Even if you don’t realize it, you talk to yourself about yourself all day, every day. Are you even aware of what you’re saying to yourself? Most of us aren’t. Our thoughts about ourselves are usually on autopilot.

Do you know that a National Science Foundation study found that most of us have between 60-80 THOUSAND individual thoughts per day and that up to 80% of them are negative and up to 95% of those are repetitive, according to TopMentalGame.com.

Take a minute and think about something you REALLY want to do. What keeps you from doing it? A lot of answers will be time or money. But if we dig deeper, the real answer would be we don’t think we could do it. That if we tried, we would fail. Because if we really wanted to do it, nothing would stand in our way.

It’s like the famous quote from Jim Rohn, “If you really want to do something you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.”

How often do you encourage yourself compared to how many times have you put yourself down for not being perfect enough instead of celebrating the fact that at least you tried? Try to keep in mind that when you try and fail you can learn from that failure about what worked and what didn’t, and try another way. Failure is not a reason to quit on yourself.

Many of us don’t even know where to start to have better self-talk because of our upbringing. We were told “no” more than “yes” or put down more often than we were lifted up and now the burden of success is on us. It starts with working on ourselves to overcome what has been ingrained in us from the beginning of our lives and often hammered home by adult relationships whether personal or professional.

You CAN change it. But you have to do the work. Will it be easy? Probably not. Will it be worth it? Most definitely. If you want to change your life you have to change the way you think about yourself. And it’s not as hard as you think.

Start this week by making a list of your best personal qualities. Try to get at least 10 of them. For some of us, even that step is hard. If you’re struggling to come up with anything then ask someone you trust to help you out.

Once you have those positive words to describe you, pick the one that resonates the most with you and focus on it every day. What you focus on, grows. Each day try to keep track of how often you think positively or negatively about yourself. You can even keep a running tally on your phone or a slip of paper. And as you focus on your greatest positive attribute, see how that tally changes. Next week, pick a new positive word and add it to your prior focus word and keep it growing each week.

Inner work and changing the way we think about ourselves can be hard. You have to be intentional. But before you can add value to others you need to know how valuable you are. And trust me when I tell you that you are valuable.

I want to encourage you to make a difference in your own life. I’ve got your back.

#selftalk #positive #innerwork #healingjourney

I remember a time when I was younger, I was lying on my bed, distraught as teenage girls often are, and my mom peeked in and asked me if I was ok. I told her I was feeling stressed because everyone I knew was coming to me with their problems for some reason, but I had no idea how to help them all.  She stepped into the room and sat on the edge of my bed, brushed the hair out of my face, and told me I didn’t need to carry such a heavy burden because it wasn’t my responsibility to save the world. I replied to her, “Maybe not, but I can try.”

Fast forward to adulthood. Oh, how I remember feeling like that meme! I carried that desire to help others into my work life. I ended up being the go-to person whenever management needed help mentoring new hires or struggling coworkers, even though it wasn’t officially part of my job. But I really enjoyed doing it so I never complained.

One day, as I was performing a summation task I had done hundreds of times, I suddenly went blank and had no idea what I was doing. I figured maybe I was just tired so I opened the training spreadsheet we gave to new hires to use, so I could let it do the calculations for me. When I saw how far off my calculations were, I panicked a little bit. Then I realized most of my other files probably had calculation errors too and as my panic grew, I actually ended up having my first panic attack. I messaged my boss and told him I wasn’t feeling well and needed to take the rest of the day off then immediately clocked out.

I was working from home so I walked to the living room and sat on my couch. I didn’t feel right so I decided to call my doctor to see if she could find out what was going on with me. I went in and had some tests done and when the results came back, she called with the results and asked if I had been under a lot of stress lately. I told her I wasn’t feeling stressed, I just didn’t feel normal. She told me that my adrenal system was completely drained like I’d been living in fight or flight mode for a really long time. And when I thought about it, it made sense. My job had become a routine of all give and no take. Lots of overtime, no vacation, and I found no fulfillment in my work. The stress of it all could no longer be controlled and it was time I did something about it.

That’s when I decided to hire a career coach to help me figure out what I wanted to do when I grew up and maybe find some satisfaction in a job.  I worked with her for months, updating my resume, taking assessments, and sending in dozens of applications and not getting one call back. I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t getting any interviews but finally realized that each time I applied, I hadn’t made the resume changes for each job I was applying for and was silently saying to myself, “I hope I don’t get this,” so I knew my heart wasn’t in it. I shared that with my coach, and she reminded me that since all my assessments and everything I had told her showed I was the happiest when I was helping others improve, maybe I should do what she did and become a career coach.

I thought that was a great idea, and I started working on getting certifications.

However, after I completed my first few certifications geared towards career coaching, I thought that some of my clients may still feel like there were gaps even after getting a new job like I had felt. So, I decided to study life coaching. I feel that having a more holistic approach to coaching and being able to touch on someone’s life outside of a person’s job would be a more complete approach to coaching since life and work often collide and affect each other.

So many people are struggling with work-life balance or even being in a job that they may be good at but aren’t a good fit for. It can cause issues in their personal lives and even affect their health as it had mine.

I’ve invested years in self-discovery, research, and specialized education to help others.

I’m here to empower you, whether you’re an individual seeking personal or professional growth or a team striving for professional excellence.

Let’s embark on this transformative journey together and build the bridge to your ultimate success, where your authentic self meets your fullest potential!

Happiness. Everyone is in pursuit of happiness.

Happiness is something we pursue for its own sake. Every goal we set we do it in hopes that when we reach that goal, we’re going to be happy or at least happier than we are now. 

Have you ever heard of the Hedonic Treadmill? The hedonic treadmill is a metaphor for the human tendency to pursue one pleasure after another thinking that when we finally reach a goal we’ll be happy. Having goals and setting goals are GOOD! But discontent can become addictive, hence the treadmill. Going, going, going with no end. Once we’ve gotten on that treadmill and we’ve reached our goal we get to what’s called Hedonic adaptation. It’s the tendency for us to quickly return to a relatively stable level of happiness despite major events regardless if they are positive or negative. Maybe you really want a new car. And you save everything you can for six months in order to get that car. You go to the dealer, test drive, smell the new interior, feel the power behind the acceleration and you can’t wait to sign on the dotted line. You get through the transaction, drive off the lot and bring that baby home. Every morning you head to the garage a little early so you can take the scenic route to work and spend a little more time in your new car. But eventually, it rains and the car needs to be washed. And your kid spilled their juice in the back seat. And the hair from the pet you so dearly love is now stuck to the upholstery. The love affair is fading and your brand-new car is now just a car. It’s still beautiful and it still gets you where you’re going in style but the excitement is gone. So, we return to the treadmill because the thought of new wood floors in the family room sure sounds nice! And we step back onto the treadmill seeking our next moment of happiness (kind of like what people call chasing a high). That is unless we start to evaluate what happiness truly means to us.

One way to start defining your happiness is when you set a goal, any goal, ask yourself “How is this goal going to increase my happiness? And will the end justify the means?” – meaning will it be worth the sacrifice you’re going to make in order to reach your goal.

And every goal does have a sacrifice. Maybe you want to be more successful in business or make more money? Your sacrifice may be spending more time at work or in school instead of doing something else you really want to do like spending time with loved ones or doing other activities that you enjoy.

What about losing weight and getting in shape? You’ll likely sacrifice the food you love and the comfort it may bring you. You’ll sacrifice free time working out. Maybe even give up some sleep if you decide you need to get up earlier to fit that workout in. You’ll sacrifice money spent on new clothes.

So, you really need to ask yourself, is it worth it? And most times that answer will be yes.

Now ask yourself what reaching this goal will give you that you don’t already have. It may be more money and the security it can bring. Or maybe a healthier body so you can live longer and have more time with your loved ones. But by asking this question, it helps to validate your yes, confirming it will be worth the sacrifice. And sometimes this is where we find out it’s not worth it or doesn’t align with our true values.

As we work on our goals (pursuing our happiness) it’s important to celebrate the small victories. It makes the journey more tolerable and if we make celebrating the small stuff a habit, we may start looking forward to the sacrifice and see our progress which makes reaching our goal more likely.

It’s important to be an active participant in your own life. To live with intention.

Take a moment and ask yourself what brings you joy in your life. It can be something simple, like for me, I love being outside and I start every morning spending time in my backyard with my dogs. I love it and it makes for a peaceful start to my day. Maybe you find joy in reading a book, working on cars, or having a phone call with a friend. Whatever it is, look for a way to incorporate a small moment of joy in every single day. Even if you have to schedule it.

On the flip side, ask yourself what has a tendency to drain joy from your life. Pay attention to how you feel around certain people, or doing certain activities (like being on social media maybe). And then look for ways to reduce or if possible, eliminate those things that drain your joy. 

Research shows that when we have a positive impact on others it helps us put our own lives in perspective and it boosts our own happiness. So, I want to leave you with this challenge- find a way today or sometime this week, to boost someone else’s happiness. Let that become a habit and watch your own happiness grow.

#happiness #personaldevelopment #goals #growth #contentment

See more @TuLincu.com

Since I love to write, my daughter gave me a wonderful gift called Story Worth. I have been sorely lacking in keeping up with it the past few months. But now that I’m done taking time off from life, I’m getting back into it and have enjoyed writing quite a bit lately. The concept is, each week I am sent a question of her choosing and then I write about it. Normally, the answers are sent back and shared with just her, but today I wanted to share one with you since I think it’s a great idea for each of us to think about what we teach our youth and be conscious of the legacy we want to leave behind.

The question: What advice would you give your great-grandchildren?

My answer: I pray I am on this earth long enough to know my great-grandchildren! There are so many things I want to share with them! The first and foremost is the same advice my mom gave me; love and trust in God. It makes everything else in life more bearable. 

I want to tell my greats and grands and kids as well to just be yourself. It sounds so simple but it makes life so much easier. Don’t worry about being like everyone or anyone else.  Or being LIKED by everyone or anyone else, because no matter what you do, not everyone will like you. You are perfectly made even with every flaw you choose to see. You may think there are others prettier, more handsome, smarter or whatever else you want to plug in there and you will be right!! There will always be someone who is more than you in some way. But they aren’t you. There is no one else now or ever will be that is just like you. The world needs your uniqueness and nothing and no one can ever take your place. Your difference is what makes you special! Embrace your quirks and allow someone else to love them. Accept others for who they are and let them be themselves as well. That might mean finding out some people aren’t meant to be in your life, and that’s ok. It doesn’t make them the enemy.

Next, do the right thing/stand up for what is right, even if you stand alone. Even if everything else is taken from you, you will still have your integrity intact, and your integrity can take you far. As the saying goes, “a clear conscience makes for a soft pillow”.

Embrace your heritage/culture. It is who you are. Don’t let anyone tell you that where you come from is bad or makes you less than anyone else (or that you’re better or more deserving because of it either). Learn from your elders and practice traditions. Get to know other people’s cultures and traditions as well and you will both be richer for it.

Travel, often, or as much as you can even if it’s semi locally.  

Be forgiving of yourself and others. The burden of unforgiveness is one you carry alone. And it’s incredibly heavy.

Love. It really does cover a multitude of sins.

And as I was recently reminded by a friend and someone I admire, don’t take yourself too seriously.

Today is my birthday…LOL!

Oh yes, it’s been a while, and there are so many reasons for it that I will get to in upcoming writings, but this one is more focused on the present.

Today was different than any other birthday for a lot of reasons. Last year was officially the first birthday I had without my mom. But with her passing being just days before my birthday, I was still pretty foggy and not sure I comprehended it all. Honestly, all of the holidays last year were a blur. So, this year I’m feeling it all a little more. I woke up thinking about how she and my dad  ( and just her after my dad passed) would call and sing Happy Birthday to me. My mom had a beautiful voice, and when she and my dad harmonized…wow. Maybe with it having been a year, even with me being more aware of the reality of her being gone, it was more bitter-sweet than just bitter. I can remember things like her singing with a smile on my face instead of just tears.

This birthday has been one of all kinds of new beginnings. I’m starting a new job soon. The same type of job I’ve had for years, but in a different industry. I think it’ll be good and hopefully less stressful. Work/life balance has become a much bigger player in my career choice.

An old friend contacted me that I hadn’t spoken with for years. We texted for hours and made amends of what was at one time a very close connection that I thought was irretrievably broken.

I received a ton of happy birthday posts on FB and texts but two simple messages stood out above the rest. A text from my new son-in-law saying “Happy Birthday, Mom” and one from my daughter-in-love that said “Happy Birthday, Beautiful.” They mean so much because my son-in-law lost his mother at a young age, and I am honored to be considered a mother figure to this most extraordinary young man. And for my daughter-in-love to call me beautiful means so much because I know she isn’t talking about anything having to do with my looks. I am so blessed to have these two amazing people who love my two most splendid gifts, my children.

So many people fear getting older. And I get it. Our bodies change and sometimes hurt, but with age comes so many excellent gifts like grace, understanding, forgiveness, and wisdom.

Thank you to everyone that made today (and all my past birthdays) special and memorable. You mean more to me than you will ever know.

Whoo! So…hey friends! What’s good today?

I know it’s been a hot minute since I posted anything here. To be honest, it’s been a while since I’ve written at all. And since I’m being honest, it’s time also to get real.

Next month will be two years since my entire life changed. It was the day I packed up my life and moved 1,556 (door to door) miles away.

Anyone who knows me knows that 12 has always been my favorite number and when the first blow came on April 12th, 2018, I thought I would have to abandon that number that had marked all kinds of important things in my life.

Then came May 24th  (the day before my move), and the second blow came. My life was so upside down that a shaken snow globe had less chaos than my soul. Losing two people I was so close to, shut me down.

Some might say I ran away and looking back now, I can’t say that’s a total lie.

I worked so hard to move on with my life that I forced myself to become numb to everything in it. I focused solely on work and not even to get ahead! It was only so I didn’t have time to think about anything else.

I was on autopilot. I was even just functioning through my faith.  I had to ask others to pray for me because when I tried to pray, it was just words. Thank you God, for never forsaking me. Like the perfect Father that you are, you waited patiently. It’s not like I went in the wrong direction. I just ceased to be me or feel anything.

In the past two years, I have changed jobs, changed addresses, experienced life, and experienced death. I lost one best friend to circumstance, one to suicide, I have laid in a hospital bed and held my dying mother, I have cradled my constant companion Nordy in my arms as he struggled to cling to life, only to see God restore both of them and give them more time. You don’t go through that without it changing you.

Fast forward almost two years as I sit in my home office in the house I love, and I can say finally, I don’t regret it.

But oh, what a process getting to this point. There was a while that I could honestly say I lost myself.

Slowly over the last nine months or so, I’ve started to open myself back up to life, but I am very particular what I let in. I’m still me, but at the same time, I’m not. I know that doesn’t make a lot of sense to anyone reading this, but you can’t go through deep pain without gaining some scars. And now that I’m emerging on the other side of it, I don’t think I even knew how much it changes you.

I have found as I am restoring myself that I am still me at the core, but the blocks that I am using to rebuild are carefully chosen. Even the music I listen to is different.

I wake up each morning and can feel that I am stronger in ways I’ve never experienced before. I can no longer tolerate anything that drains me, and as soon as it starts to, it has to go. That includes jobs, people, heck, even movies.

I’m not saying I won’t or can’t go through tough times and keep grinding, but my time is precious, and I’m done wasting it on things that won’t matter six months from now.

Going through all of this by myself I now truly understand the saying, “I know what I bring to the table so trust me when I say I’m not afraid to eat alone,” without fear.  Because I learned through all of this that the ones that matter will ALWAYS be there.

I know this wasn’t some long profound post, but I just wanted to reach out and let you all know I’m still here…and there…LOL! I’ve missed you, and I’ve missed me, and I’m working on coming back.

Stay safe friends, and let’s get together again soon. Until that time, remember to be kind.