Whoo! So…hey friends! What’s good today?

I know it’s been a hot minute since I posted anything here. To be honest, it’s been a while since I’ve written at all. And since I’m being honest, it’s time also to get real.

Next month will be two years since my entire life changed. It was the day I packed up my life and moved 1,556 (door to door) miles away.

Anyone who knows me knows that 12 has always been my favorite number and when the first blow came on April 12th, 2018, I thought I would have to abandon that number that had marked all kinds of important things in my life.

Then came May 24th  (the day before my move), and the second blow came. My life was so upside down that a shaken snow globe had less chaos than my soul. Losing two people I was so close to, shut me down.

Some might say I ran away and looking back now, I can’t say that’s a total lie.

I worked so hard to move on with my life that I forced myself to become numb to everything in it. I focused solely on work and not even to get ahead! It was only so I didn’t have time to think about anything else.

I was on autopilot. I was even just functioning through my faith.  I had to ask others to pray for me because when I tried to pray, it was just words. Thank you God, for never forsaking me. Like the perfect Father that you are, you waited patiently. It’s not like I went in the wrong direction. I just ceased to be me or feel anything.

In the past two years, I have changed jobs, changed addresses, experienced life, and experienced death. I lost one best friend to circumstance, one to suicide, I have laid in a hospital bed and held my dying mother, I have cradled my constant companion Nordy in my arms as he struggled to cling to life, only to see God restore both of them and give them more time. You don’t go through that without it changing you.

Fast forward almost two years as I sit in my home office in the house I love, and I can say finally, I don’t regret it.

But oh, what a process getting to this point. There was a while that I could honestly say I lost myself.

Slowly over the last nine months or so, I’ve started to open myself back up to life, but I am very particular what I let in. I’m still me, but at the same time, I’m not. I know that doesn’t make a lot of sense to anyone reading this, but you can’t go through deep pain without gaining some scars. And now that I’m emerging on the other side of it, I don’t think I even knew how much it changes you.

I have found as I am restoring myself that I am still me at the core, but the blocks that I am using to rebuild are carefully chosen. Even the music I listen to is different.

I wake up each morning and can feel that I am stronger in ways I’ve never experienced before. I can no longer tolerate anything that drains me, and as soon as it starts to, it has to go. That includes jobs, people, heck, even movies.

I’m not saying I won’t or can’t go through tough times and keep grinding, but my time is precious, and I’m done wasting it on things that won’t matter six months from now.

Going through all of this by myself I now truly understand the saying, “I know what I bring to the table so trust me when I say I’m not afraid to eat alone,” without fear.  Because I learned through all of this that the ones that matter will ALWAYS be there.

I know this wasn’t some long profound post, but I just wanted to reach out and let you all know I’m still here…and there…LOL! I’ve missed you, and I’ve missed me, and I’m working on coming back.

Stay safe friends, and let’s get together again soon. Until that time, remember to be kind.