mental-health

What If You Didn’t Wait Until January

/ Yvonne / Leave a comment

Even if you’re not someone who officially makes New Year’s resolutions, there’s something about the end of the year that gets us thinking.

Maybe you’ve caught yourself thinking about things you’d like to change. You’d like to take better care of yourself. Get more organized. Spend less. Save more. Finally get a handle on your finances.

Maybe this is the year you promise yourself things are going to be different. You’ll start fresh in January. You’ll get serious about your money. You’ll stop wondering where your paycheck went before the next one arrives. You’ll make a plan and stick to it.

And maybe you really will.

But here’s a thought. What if you didn’t have to wait until January 1st to start feeling better about your finances?

What if you could begin making changes now, so that when the new year arrives, you’re not starting from scratch and you’re already moving in the direction you want to go.

Think about what that could feel like.

Let’s talk about the holidays for a minute.

For some of us, the holidays bring excitement, family traditions, and memories we look forward to making.

They can also bring a fair amount of financial stress.

There’s the gifts to buy, the extra groceries, the family gatherings, the travel, the school activities, the decorations, and all those little extras that somehow add up to a whole lot of money.

You want to make Christmas special. You want to give your family a wonderful holiday. You want to say yes when the kids or grandkids want to do something fun. And wouldn’t it be nice to look at your bank account in January and not wonder how things got so out of hand?

Most of us have been there before. You tell yourself you’ll keep spending under control this year. You have great intentions. You might even have a budget. But then something comes up (like it usually does). You see the perfect gift. Someone invites you to an event. You decide to splurge a little because it’s Christmas, after all. And before you know it, you’re spending more than you planned.

The credit card balance creeps up. The savings account takes a hit. And somewhere in the back of your mind, you’re already worrying about how you’re going to make everything work once the holidays are over.

That’s a lot to carry while you’re supposed to be enjoying the season.

Now, imagine approaching the holidays a little differently. Imagine knowing how much you can comfortably spend, having a plan for the expenses you know are coming, and being able to make decisions without that constant mental calculation of Can I afford this? What happens if I buy that? Will I regret this later?

You may still have some financial decisions to make because life doesn’t suddenly become predictable just because we have a plan. But wouldn’t it be nice to feel more in control of those decisions?

You don’t have to overhaul your entire financial life before Christmas.

I’m not suggesting you need to spend the next few weeks creating a strict budget, cutting every extra expense, and becoming a completely different person before the holidays arrive. That’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself.

Instead, what if you started with a few small things? Take an honest look at where your money is going. Figure out what you can comfortably spend on the holidays. Think about the expenses coming in January that might get overlooked when you’re caught up in the excitement of December.

And pay attention to the things that tend to throw you off course. Maybe it’s the last-minute shopping. Maybe it’s feeling guilty when you can’t give someone what you’d like to give them. Maybe shopping is one of the ways you reward yourself after a stressful week.

Understanding what’s happening is just as important as figuring out the numbers. Most of us know we should save more or spend less. But sometimes there’s more going on beneath the surface, and a budget alone doesn’t address it. The goal is to understand your patterns and begin making choices that support the life you want to live one decision at a time.

Now, imagine walking into January differently.

Instead of waking up on January 1st with a list of resolutions and the same financial worries you’ve been carrying for months (or years), imagine already having a little momentum.

Think about how it would feel if you’ve already started paying attention to your spending, made some decisions about your priorities, and have a better idea of what’s happening with your money and what needs to change.

Maybe you’ve even discovered that a few small adjustments make a bigger difference than you expected. And you didn’t have to wait for a particular date on the calendar to give yourself permission to do it.

You can start right where you are, with the money you have, the circumstances you’re facing, and the next decision in front of you.

And maybe the biggest difference you’ll notice isn’t even the number in your bank account. Maybe it’s the relief of not feeling quite so anxious when you think about money. The confidence that comes from knowing what’s happening with your finances. The ability to enjoy the holidays without carrying so much worry into every purchase.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to enter the new year with a little more clarity, a little more confidence, and a little more peace?

You don’t have to wait until January to begin creating that. You can give yourself that head start today. And you deserve to enjoy the holidays while you’re doing it.

Let me ask you something.

If you could change just one thing about your financial life before the new year arrives, what would it be?

Would it be feeling less anxious about money? Knowing where your money goes? Getting through the holidays without adding to your debt? Or finally feeling like you’re making progress toward something that matters to you?

I’d love to hear what’s on your mind.

You’ve Tried Everything. So Why Are You Still Anxious About Money?

/ Yvonne / Leave a comment

Have you ever reached a point where you just feel like giving up? You know how hard you’ve tried.

You’ve read the books, listened to the podcasts, and taken the advice. You’ve tried to get your life and finances organized. Maybe you’ve created a budget, cut back on spending, and made a plan to pay off debt or build up your savings.

You’ve done what you’re supposed to do and yet, you still worry about money.

Maybe you check your bank account even though you checked it yesterday. Maybe you lie in bed thinking about bills, unexpected expenses, and everything that could go wrong. Maybe you have money in savings, but instead of feeling secure, you’re worried about how quickly it could disappear.

Or maybe your financial situation really has improved. You’re making decent money. You’re paying your bills. You’re doing better than you were a few years ago.

So why can’t you relax?

Maybe you’ve even gone to therapy to work through some of the things that cause you anxiety. You’ve learned strategies to manage stress, and you’ve tried putting them into practice. But that familiar feeling keeps coming back. And after a while, you start wondering if this is just how life is going to be.

Am I always going to worry about money? Is there something I’m missing? Why can’t I get this under control?

And if you’re a Christian, there might be another layer to all of this. Because you’ve prayed about it, too.

You’ve taken your worries to God. You’ve prayed for peace. You’ve asked Him to help you trust Him more and stop being so afraid about the future.

Maybe you’ve read scriptures about worry and anxiety. You’ve reminded yourself that God provides, that He knows what you need, and that you don’t have to carry tomorrow’s troubles today. And you believe all of those things.

But then another bill arrives. Your car needs a repair. You think about retirement, your kids, your mortgage, or what would happen if you lost your job.

And there it is again. That familiar knot in your stomach. That heaviness in your chest. That desperate feeling that you need to figure everything out right now.

Then, on top of the anxiety, you start feeling guilty.

Why am I still worrying when I know God is in control?

Why can’t I just trust Him?

Have I not prayed enough? Is my faith not strong enough?

And maybe, somewhere along the way, you begin to wonder if God is disappointed in you. Or worse, if you’re being punished for something.

Now you’re not just anxious about money. You’re questioning yourself, your faith, and your relationship with God. That’s a lot to deal with.

But, I want you to consider something. Feeling anxious doesn’t mean you’ve failed God. And continuing to struggle with anxiety doesn’t mean you haven’t prayed hard enough. Faith doesn’t mean we never feel afraid. And prayer isn’t a test we pass by becoming perfectly calm afterward.

You can trust God and still have anxious thoughts. You can believe in His provision and still feel afraid when the bills pile up. You can pray for peace and still need help understanding why your body and mind keep responding to life with so much worry. Those things can exist together.

And I think sometimes we make an already difficult situation even harder when we believe we should be able to pray our way out of every uncomfortable feeling.

What if, instead of judging ourselves for still feeling anxious, we became curious about what might be going on beneath the surface because there may be more to your anxiety than you realize.

What If Your Anxiety Isn’t Just About What’s Happening Today?

Let’s think about this for a minute.

Maybe you grew up in a home where money was always tight. You watched your parents worry about bills, argue about finances, or go without things other people seemed to take for granted.

Maybe you remember hearing that there wasn’t enough money, even when you were too young to understand what that really meant.

Or maybe your financial worries came later. You went through a divorce. You lost a job. You experienced a financial crisis that turned your world upside down. Maybe you spent years being the person who had to hold everything together because there wasn’t anyone else to do it.

When you’ve lived through uncertainty, especially for a long time, it can be difficult to feel secure again even when your circumstances change.

You might have more money now than you’ve ever had, but you still worry about losing it. You might have savings in the bank, but you can’t stop thinking about everything that could happen to wipe them out.

You might be doing all the right things financially, but you still feel as though you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Why?

Because sometimes, understanding something intellectually doesn’t automatically change how we respond to it emotionally or physically.

You can tell yourself you’re okay. You can look at the numbers and see that the bills are covered. You can remind yourself that you’re in a better position than you were five years ago but your body may still react as though danger is just around the corner. Your heart races. Your shoulders tighten. Your breathing changes. Your stomach knots up.

You feel the urge to check your account again, run the numbers one more time, or find some way to make absolutely certain nothing can go wrong. And even after you’ve done all that, you still don’t feel at peace.

What if your body has learned to expect danger, even when your present circumstances don’t call for the same level of alarm?

That doesn’t mean your financial concerns aren’t real. Sometimes we have very good reasons to be worried about money, and those situations deserve practical solutions. But sometimes, our reactions are also shaped by what we’ve experienced in the past and what we’ve learned to expect. And that’s something worth exploring.

And now you’re thinking “I Already Have a Budget!” I know. And I believe in budgeting.

As a financial coach, I want you to understand how to direct your spending, make informed decisions, and have a plan that supports the life you’re living. But I’ve become increasingly interested in the space between knowing what to do and actually feeling okay while doing it because those are two different things.

You can have a budget and still panic when an unexpected expense comes up. You can pay off your credit cards and still be afraid you’ll end up right back where you started. You can make good money and still feel guilty buying something for yourself. You can build an emergency fund and still feel as though it will never be enough.

And you can do everything your financial adviser, your friends, and all those personal finance experts tell you to do, yet still find yourself lying awake at night worrying.

What happens when more financial information isn’t what you need most? What happens when you’ve already learned the strategies, but the fear is still there?

Maybe it’s time to look beyond the numbers. I don’t mean stop working on your finances, but adding alongside that work because your relationship with money isn’t just about the decisions you make. It’s also about the feelings, experiences, beliefs, and reactions that come with those decisions. And some of those reactions may be happening before you’ve even had a chance to think things through.

This Is Where Somatics Comes In

Somatics is an approach that helps us pay attention to the connection between our bodies and our internal experiences.

In simple terms, it invites us to notice what’s happening in our bodies, particularly when we’re experiencing stress, fear, or other strong emotions.

Think about the last time you opened a bill you weren’t expecting. Before you even knew how much you owed, did your stomach tighten? Did you hold your breath? Did you immediately start thinking about everything else that could go wrong? Or think about checking your bank account. Maybe you know you have enough money to cover your bills, but you still feel that little rush of anxiety when you open the app.

What if you paused for a moment and noticed what was happening inside you? Not to tell yourself you shouldn’t feel that way. And not to pretend that the bill doesn’t need to be paid.

Just to notice.

Somatic approaches can help people develop greater awareness of these physical stress responses and practice ways of responding to them. For some people, that may become a valuable part of working through persistent anxiety. It’s not a magic fix, and it doesn’t replace practical financial planning or mental health care when those are needed. But it offers another place to begin.

Instead of spending all your energy trying to convince yourself not to worry, you can start exploring how you experience that worry and what might help you respond differently.

You don’t have to choose between understanding your finances and understanding yourself. Both matter.

I want to come back to something for a moment, especially if you’re a Christian who has been beating yourself up because you still struggle with anxiety.

We sometimes treat anxiety as though it’s evidence that we’re not trusting God enough.

But what if we approached it differently?

What if you could bring your worries to God without feeling ashamed that you have them in the first place? What if you could pray for peace and also seek help understanding why certain situations make you so anxious?

What if learning to recognize your stress responses, working with a therapist, getting support from a financial coach, or exploring somatic practices could all be part of caring for yourself?

Seeking help doesn’t mean you’ve stopped trusting God. And you don’t have to earn His love by becoming someone who never worries.

I think there’s a difference between acknowledging that we cannot control everything and expecting ourselves never to feel afraid of the things we cannot control.

We are human. Life happens. Unexpected things happen. Sometimes the experiences we’ve lived through leave us feeling less secure than we’d like to be.

We can pray, trust, plan, learn, and ask for help along the way.

We can be faithful and still be a work in progress.

And we can give ourselves a little grace while we figure things out.

What If You Don’t Have to Keep Fighting Yourself?

If you’ve been anxious about money for years, you may have started to believe that this is simply who you are. Maybe you tell yourself you’re just a worrier. Maybe you assume you’ll never feel comfortable with money, no matter how much you earn or how carefully you plan.

But what if you haven’t explored every part of the picture yet?

What if the next step is learning to understand your response to money? You’ve already spent so much time trying to solve the financial problem that you haven’t had the opportunity to explore everything that comes up inside you when you think about it.

This is one of the reasons I’m interested in bringing somatic approaches into my work alongside financial coaching. I’m curious about what becomes possible when we pay attention not only to the money itself, but also to the stress and emotions that can surround it.

The goal isn’t simply to have your bills paid and your savings account growing. It’s also to build a financial life that gives you room to breathe, make decisions with greater confidence, and experience more peace along the way.

You may not be able to eliminate every financial worry. None of us can predict the future. But maybe you can learn to respond to uncertainty without feeling as though you have to live in a constant state of alarm.

And if you’ve been trying so hard for so long, I hope you’ll consider that possibility.

You don’t have to assume that because you’ve tried so many things, nothing will ever help.

Maybe there’s another piece of the puzzle you haven’t explored yet.

So here’s the question I’d like you to think about:

When you worry about money, are you responding only to what’s happening in your finances today? Or could some of that fear be connected to what you’ve experienced, what you’ve learned to expect, and what your body has come to associate with money?

You don’t have to know the answer right now.

Sometimes, simply asking a different question is where a different kind of understanding begins.

Are You Buying An Image?

/ Yvonne / Leave a comment

Have you ever bought something and thought, “This is so me.”

Maybe it was a beautiful piece of clothing. A new piece of furniture. A nicer car. A membership. Maybe even something as simple as a $38 eyeliner that made you feel like the person you wanted to be that morning.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with spending money on things you enjoy.

But I’ve been thinking about something lately.

How much of what we buy is really about enhancing ourselves, and how much is about becoming who we think other people think we should be?

Those two things can look remarkably similar on a bank statement.

You might buy the expensive workout membership because health is genuinely important to you.

Or maybe, somewhere underneath that decision, you like the idea of being the kind of person who belongs to that gym.

You might buy the beautiful clothes because you love fashion.

Or maybe you want to walk into a room and feel like you finally look as successful as you feel you should be.

You might upgrade your home because you’ve worked hard and you genuinely enjoy having beautiful things.

Or maybe you’re thinking about what other people will say when they walk into your perfectly decorated home.

See, you may be able to afford every single purchase, but that doesn’t necessarily mean every purchase is aligned with who you are.

So yeah, maybe you can afford it, but do you really want it? Because your bank account doesn’t just record what you bought. Over time, it can reveal what you’re trying to feel, who you’re trying to become, and sometimes even whose approval you’re trying to earn.

So how do you know the difference?

Start paying attention to what happens inside you before you spend.

Do you feel excited because something genuinely brings you joy? Do you feel proud because you’ve reached a place in your life where you can finally enjoy something you once couldn’t afford?

Or do you feel a little anxious?

Do you find yourself thinking about what someone else will think? Maybe you’re imagining how you’ll look wearing it, driving it, posting it, or talking about it.

Maybe you’re hoping the purchase will make you feel more successful, more attractive, healthier, more interesting, more confident, or simply… enough. For the record, none of that makes you shallow.

We’re human. We want to belong. We want to feel good about ourselves. We want our outside lives to reflect the person we believe ourselves to be. But sometimes we can spend a surprising amount of money trying to prove something that didn’t need proving in the first place.

So the next time you’re about to make a purchase, pause for just a moment and ask yourself:

Would I still want this if nobody else ever saw it?

Would I still buy it if I couldn’t post about it?

Would I still want it if nobody knew what it cost?

And most importantly:

Is this purchase enhancing who I already am, or am I hoping it will help me become someone I think I need to be?

There is a big difference because your money doesn’t have to build an image of you. But it can build a life that actually feels like you.

Maybe that means spending generously on the things that truly matter to you.

Maybe it means saying no to things that look impressive but don’t bring you much joy.

Maybe it means keeping the perfectly good car, skipping the upgrade, wearing the clothes you already love, or choosing the vacation that means something to you instead of the one that looks impressive on Instagram.

And maybe it means giving yourself permission to stop proving.

You don’t have to buy success to be successful.

You don’t have to look wealthy to have financial security.

You don’t have to own the right things to become the right person.

You get to decide who you are before you decide what you’re going to spend.

And when your spending begins with that decision, your money has a much better chance of supporting the life you actually want instead of funding the life you think everyone else expects you to have.

So the next time you reach for your wallet, don’t just ask, “Can I afford it?”

Ask: “Is this really me?”

When Feeling Good Starts Costing You More Than You Realize

/ Yvonne / Leave a comment

If you make more than $100,000 a year, you’d probably expect to feel pretty comfortable, right?

You have a good income. You pay your bills. You’re not out there buying $300 worth of clothes every time you have a bad day. You’re not making huge, impulsive purchases that you know you can’t afford.

So why does it feel like there’s never enough money at the end of the month?

You sit down and create a budget. You account for the housing, utilities, groceries, insurance, savings, gas, subscriptions and everything else you can think of.

You give every dollar a job. And yet you’re still coming up short. Or maybe you aren’t technically short, but there is very little left over.

You look at the numbers and think, where is all my money going?

This is where I think it’s worth looking a little deeper because sometimes the problem isn’t that you’re spending frivolously. It’s that you’re spending consistently.

Maybe every month there are massages. Maybe you get your nails done. Maybe there are wellness programs, supplements, memberships, treatments, classes or other things you’ve decided are important to your well-being.

And individually, none of these purchases seem unreasonable.

In fact, they’re easy to justify.

“I work hard.”

“I deserve this.”

“This is self-care.”

“It’s good for me.”

And maybe it is. Self-care matters. Doing things that make you feel good isn’t inherently a problem.

But what if you started asking a different question?

Not just, “Do I enjoy it?”

But…What am I hoping this will change for me?

There is a difference. And sometimes it’s a really important difference.

Because you can have a six-figure income and still use money to manage emotions you haven’t dealt with.

You can spend money on things that look completely healthy and responsible on the outside while something very different is happening underneath.

Maybe you’re exhausted. Maybe you’re lonely. Maybe you’re overwhelmed.

Maybe you’ve spent years taking care of everyone else and don’t know what it feels like to take care of yourself without buying something.

Maybe your life changed and you’re trying to figure out who you are now.

Maybe you’re constantly chasing that little feeling of relief. And every time you find something that gives you a little bit of it, you do it again.

Another appointment.

Another program.

Another treatment.

Another thing that promises to help you feel better, look better, be better or finally get your life together.

And because each purchase makes sense on its own, you never really see the pattern until you look at the whole picture.

That’s when the questions get more uncomfortable.

What if a lack of money isn’t the real problem?

What if your spending is telling you something?

That’s where financial coaching can become about so much more than a budget. Because I can help you put numbers on a spreadsheet all day long. But, if your spending is meeting an emotional need, a budget alone isn’t going to solve the problem.

You can make the perfect budget on paper and still find yourself spending money in the same places month after month because the spending is doing a job.

And until you understand what that job is, it’s really difficult to change the pattern.

That’s where the real work begins.

Not with cutting out every massage or telling yourself you can’t get your nails done. And definitely not with making your life miserable in the name of saving money.

But with getting curious about your money, your choices, your emotions, and about what you’re really trying to create with all that spending.

Because sometimes the thing you’re trying to buy isn’t the massage. It isn’t the manicure. And it isn’t the wellness program.

It’s the feeling you hope that comes with it.

And that is a very different conversation.

Maybe it’s time to start having it.

What Are You Putting Off?

/ Yvonne / Leave a comment

Procrastination is one of those things we all know about, and most of us have probably been guilty of it at one time or another. I know I have. There are things in life that I know need to be done, but somehow, I can find ten other things that suddenly seem much more important. Sometimes it is something as simple as cleaning out a closet or making a phone call. Other times, it is something that carries a little more weight, like making a difficult decision, having a conversation we have been avoiding, or finally dealing with something that has been hanging over our heads.

The funny thing about procrastination is that we usually know exactly what we are doing. We tell ourselves we will get to it tomorrow. Tomorrow comes, and we decide we will do it next week. Before we know it, weeks or even months have passed, and the thing we have been avoiding is still sitting there.

I have been thinking about how often we do this with our money.

Maybe you know you need to sit down and really look at where your money is going each month, but you keep putting it off. You may already have a pretty good idea that you are spending more than you want to, but you don’t want to see the actual numbers. Maybe you have credit card balances that have been bothering you for a while, but opening the statements makes you uncomfortable. Perhaps you have been telling yourself that you will start saving when things settle down, or that you will figure out a budget after the next paycheck.

And somehow, the next paycheck keeps coming.

This is where I think procrastination gets interesting. Sometimes we aren’t actually avoiding the task. We are avoiding the feeling we think will come with doing the task.

Looking at your finances may bring up anxiety. It may bring guilt or frustration. You may be disappointed in yourself because you thought you would be further along by now. You may be afraid of what you will discover once you start adding everything up. Or maybe you simply don’t know where to start, so it feels easier to do nothing than to sit down and try to figure it all out.

So we avoid it.

And for a little while, that feels better.

We don’t have to think about the credit card balance. We don’t have to make a decision. We don’t have to admit that the way we are spending money isn’t really working anymore. We can go on with our day and pretend that we will deal with it later.

The problem is that later usually comes.

And whatever we were avoiding is still waiting for us.

Sometimes it has even grown.

The balance is a little higher. Another bill has been added. Another month has gone by without saving. Another purchase has been made that we really didn’t need. Another paycheck has disappeared without us feeling like we have much to show for it.

Then we wonder why money feels so stressful.

I don’t think the answer is always that we need more discipline or a better budget. Sometimes we need to understand what is happening underneath the behavior.

What are we actually avoiding?

That is a much more interesting question.

Maybe looking at your money brings up feelings you don’t particularly want to deal with. Maybe spending has become a way to make yourself feel better, and getting serious about your finances means you might have to find another way to get that feeling.

Maybe you are afraid that if you really look at everything, you will have to make some changes. And change can be uncomfortable, even when we know the change is good for us.

I have experienced enough changes in my own life to know that sometimes we hold onto things simply because they are familiar. Even when familiar isn’t working particularly well.

Money can be the same way.

We can get into patterns of spending, saving, avoiding, ignoring and starting over. We promise ourselves that this month will be different, and then life happens. Something unexpected comes up. We get tired. We have a stressful week. We buy something because we deserve it. We tell ourselves we’ll make up for it next month.

Then next month looks a lot like the one before it.

If that sounds familiar, I don’t think the answer is to beat yourself up over it. Shame rarely creates the kind of lasting change we are looking for. I think the better place to start is with curiosity.

Instead of asking, “Why can’t I get this together?” ask yourself, “What am I avoiding?”

What happens inside you when you think about looking at your bank account? What do you feel when you think about paying off debt? What are you hoping a purchase will make you feel? What decision have you been putting off because you aren’t sure what the right answer is?

Those questions can tell us a lot because sometimes the behavior we see on the outside is only part of the story.

And this is especially true when life has changed.

Divorce, an empty nest, a career change, the loss of a spouse, a new marriage, starting over in a completely different season of life — these things can change much more than our circumstances. They can change how we see ourselves, what we need, what we want and even what we believe will make us happy.

Sometimes our spending changes right along with us.

We buy things because we are trying to create comfort. We spend because we are trying to feel successful. We shop because we are bored or lonely or exhausted. We spend because our old life no longer feels like our life, and we are trying to figure out what the new one is supposed to look like.

Then we wonder why the money isn’t working.

Maybe the first step isn’t another budget.

Maybe it is slowing down long enough to ask ourselves some better questions.

What am I putting off?

What am I afraid I will find if I finally deal with it?

What am I hoping my money will give me that money can’t actually provide?

And perhaps most importantly, what would change if I stopped waiting for the perfect time to deal with it?

You don’t have to fix everything at once. You don’t even have to know exactly what the finished picture looks like.

You just have to be willing to stop avoiding the first thing.

Because sometimes the biggest change in our finances begins with something much smaller than a new budget or a bigger paycheck.

Sometimes it begins with finally being willing to look.

Before We Blame the Budget, Let’s Look at the Why

/ Yvonne / Leave a comment

You know those nights when you’ve just had enough?

You’ve been going all day.

You’re tired.

Your brain is tired.

Your patience is tired.

You go grocery shopping, and all you can think about is getting home.

You unload the groceries.

You put some of them away.

And then you order a pizza.

Wait.

Didn’t we just go grocery shopping?

Yes.

Yes, we did.

There is literally food in the refrigerator.

But we don’t care.

Because tonight, we’re done.

We don’t want to cook.

We don’t want to think about what to cook.

We don’t want another decision.

We just want someone to bring us a pizza.

So we order it.

And maybe a little treat to go with it.

Then we sit down on the couch.

Finally.

We can relax.

We turn on the television and start scrolling through the streaming services.

Netflix.

Hulu.

Amazon Prime.

Disney+.

Whatever else we’re paying for this month.

And somehow, after scrolling through all of them, we decide there is absolutely nothing to watch.

So what do we do?

We pay $20 for a movie.

A movie we could have probably watched on one of the four streaming services we’re already paying for if we’d had the patience to look long enough.

But we don’t.

Because tonight isn’t really about the movie.

And it probably wasn’t really about the pizza either.

See, sometimes we’re not spending money because we want something.

We’re spending money because we want to feel something different. Or feel nothing at all.

We want the day to be over.

We want our brain to shut up for a minute.

We want to be taken care of.

We want something easy.

We want comfort.

We want a reward for making it through the day.

And sometimes spending money is the quickest way we know how to get there.

That’s the part of our spending that can be really hard to see.

Because when we look at the bank account, all we see is:

Pizza.

Treat.

Movie.

$20 here.

$15 there.

And we think:

“Why am I always spending so much money?”

But maybe a better question is:

“What was I really looking for when I spent that money?”

One of my clients had a moment like this recently.

She had gone grocery shopping.

She had food in the house.

And then she ordered pizza.

Then she bought another treat.

Then she got home, sat on the couch and spent $20 on a movie even though she already had multiple streaming services.

And instead of just brushing it off, she stopped.

She looked at what she’d done.

And she asked herself:

“Why did I do that?”

That question was the breakthrough because she finally became curious about her own behavior.

Instead of saying:

“I shouldn’t have done that.”

She asked:

“Why did I?”

That’s a very different question.

How often do we do things with our money without really knowing why?

We buy something because we’re stressed.

We order dinner because we’re exhausted.

We go shopping because we’re bored.

We buy something new because we need a little excitement.

We treat ourselves because we’ve had a hard week.

We spend because we feel like we deserve something.

We buy something because everyone else seems to have it.

We shop when we’re lonely.

We spend when we’re celebrating.

We spend when we’re sad.

We spend when we’re angry.

Heck, sometimes we spend when we’re just having a Tuesday.

And most of the time, we don’t stop to ask ourselves what’s really happening.

We just swipe.

Click.

Order.

Done.

Until the credit card bill shows up.

And then we’re staring at the statement wondering how we managed to spend that much money.

But one thing I do know; our spending usually makes sense to us in the moment.

That’s why telling ourselves, “I just need to stop spending so much” doesn’t always work.

Because in the moment, the spending is solving something.

Maybe not a financial problem.

An emotional one.

The pizza solves the problem of being too tired to cook.

The shopping trip solves the problem of boredom.

The new purse gives us a little excitement.

The Amazon package gives us something to look forward to.

The $20 movie gives us two hours where we don’t have to think about the day we just had or some other situation we’re dealing with.

And for a little while…it works.

That’s what makes it so easy to repeat.

But what happens when the feeling wears off?

The pizza is gone.

The treat is gone.

The movie ends.

The package arrives.

The excitement fades.

And we’re left with the same stress.

The same exhaustion.

The same loneliness.

The same problems.

Except now we’ve spent money too.

And that’s when we start beating ourselves up.

“I have got to get better with money.”

“I don’t know why I do this.”

“I need more discipline.”

“I can’t seem to stick to a budget.”

Maybe.

But maybe we need to look a little deeper.

Because if we’re using money to make ourselves feel better, then the problem isn’t simply that we’re spending too much.

We’re asking our money to do a job it was never designed to do.

Money can buy comfort.

But it can’t create peace.

It can buy dinner.

But it can’t fix exhaustion.

It can buy something beautiful.

But it can’t fix insecurity.

It can buy entertainment.

But it can’t make us happy when we’re unhappy with our lives.

It can give us a temporary escape.

But eventually, we have to come back.

And sometimes that little escape costs us a lot more than we realize.

Not just financially.

So what if we stopped judging ourselves long enough to get curious?

The next time we find ourselves making one of those purchases that makes us think, “Why did I buy that?”, let’s pause.

Not to shame ourselves.

Just to notice.

Ask:

What was I feeling right before I bought it?

Was I tired?

Stressed?

Bored?

Lonely?

Overwhelmed?

Was I looking for a reward?

Was I trying to escape my day?

Was I trying to make myself feel better?

Was I trying to fill some empty space?

And then ask:

What did I expect this purchase to do for me?

That’s the question I really want us to start asking.

Because sometimes the answer has very little to do with the thing we’re buying.

And maybe that’s where our financial breakthrough starts.

Not with another budget.

Not with cutting every little pleasure out of our lives.

Not with deciding we’re never ordering pizza again.

Because let’s be honest. Sometimes we just want pizza.

And I’m not taking that away from anybody.

The goal isn’t to make ourselves miserable in the name of financial responsibility.

The goal is to understand ourselves well enough that we are making the decision instead of the emotion making it for us.

There’s a difference between:

“I don’t feel like cooking tonight, and I have room in my budget, so I’m ordering pizza.”

and:

“I’ve had a horrible day and I don’t want to deal with anything else, so I’m ordering pizza, a treat, and a $20 movie because I just want to check out for a while.”

From the outside, those purchases look almost identical.

But they’re not. One is a choice. The other is a coping mechanism.

And if we don’t recognize the difference, we can spend a whole lot of money trying to feel better.

That $20 movie might have been the best $20 my client ever spent.

Not because the movie was great.

She doesn’t even remember much about it.

But because it made her stop. It made her notice. It made her ask the question.

“Why did I do that?”

And once we start asking ourselves that question without judgment, we start seeing things differently.

We begin to notice our patterns.

We notice what triggers our spending.

We notice the stories we tell ourselves.

We notice when we’re using money as a reward.

We notice when we’re using it as an escape.

We notice when we’re buying something because we genuinely want it…

and when we’re buying something because we desperately want to feel different.

And that awareness is powerful.

Because we can’t change what we refuse to look at.

So tonight, if you find yourself standing in the kitchen staring at a full refrigerator while opening the food delivery app…

I’m not going to tell you not to order the pizza.

I’m just going to ask you to pause for a second.

Take a breath.

And ask yourself:

“What do I really need right now?”

Maybe the answer is pizza.

And that’s okay.

But maybe it’s rest.

Maybe it’s comfort.

Maybe it’s a break.

Maybe it’s connection.

Maybe it’s permission to admit that you’re exhausted.

And if you can figure out what you really need, you might discover that sometimes the thing we’re trying to buy isn’t actually what we’re looking for.

And that realization can change more than our spending.

It can change our relationship with money.

And maybe even our relationship with ourselves.

Do You Know What You Really Want?

/ Yvonne / Leave a comment

One of the most important questions you can ask yourself is simply this:

“Do I know what I really want?”

Most people would answer that question with confidence.

“I want financial freedom.”

“I want less stress.”

“I want more time with my family.”

“I want to get out of debt.”

“I want to retire someday.”

Those all sound like great answers. But if we slowed down and looked at the way we actually spend our time, our energy, and our money, would our daily choices tell the same story?

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve talked with someone who tells me they’re exhausted. They desperately want a better work-life balance. They miss their kids’ ball games. They want to take a vacation without answering work emails every ten minutes. They dream about slowing down.

Then their employer offers overtime.

Without even thinking about it, they say yes. Again. And again.

Now, before you think I’m criticizing overtime, I’m not. There are times when working extra hours is necessary. Sometimes it’s how you keep the lights on. Sometimes it’s how you build a safety net. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with working hard.

But I do think it’s worth asking a deeper question.

Why did you say yes?

Was it because your family really needed the income? Or because somewhere along the way, your lifestyle slowly became more expensive than your paycheck?

Was it because you’re working toward a meaningful goal? Or because you’ve become so accustomed to earning that extra money you can’t imagine saying no?

The answer isn’t always obvious, and that’s exactly why it’s worth exploring.

Our financial decisions are rarely just financial. They’re emotional. They’re habitual. They’re often tied to beliefs we’ve carried for years without ever questioning them.

Many of us spend our lives chasing things we never stopped to ask if we actually wanted.

We chase promotions because that’s what successful people do.

We buy bigger houses because that’s what everyone around us seems to be doing.

We fill our schedules because busy people must be productive people, right?

We upgrade our cars, our phones, our wardrobes, and somehow convince ourselves that this next purchase will finally make life feel complete.

Yet somehow, despite earning more than we ever imagined we would, we still feel anxious.

We still wonder why peace seems so hard to find. This exact thing happened to me.

I’ve often wondered how many people are living someone else’s definition of success.

Maybe that’s because we’ve been told from an early age that success always looks like more. More money. More stuff. More accomplishments. More recognition.

But what if success actually looks different for you?

What if what you really want isn’t a bigger paycheck?

What if what you really want is dinner around the table with your family?

What if you don’t actually want the corner office (and all the responsibilities that come with it)?

What if you want margin in your schedule so you can coach your daughter’s softball team or finally take that mission trip you’ve always talked about?

What if you don’t need a bigger house? What if you just need more contentment inside the one you already have?

Those questions can be uncomfortable because they force us to examine whether our money is supporting our priorities or competing with them.

Our calendars and bank statements are incredibly honest. They reveal what we value, even when our words say something different.

If someone looked at nothing but your calendar and your bank account, what story would they tell about your life?

Would they conclude that faith is important to you?

Would they see that your family comes first?

Would they believe that peace and health are priorities?

Or would they see someone who is constantly chasing the next thing, hoping it will finally be enough?

I don’t ask those questions to create guilt.

I ask them because I’ve had to ask them of myself.

Life has a way of putting us on autopilot. We get busy surviving. We make decisions without thinking. We repeat habits because that’s what we’ve always done.

Before long, we’re living a life we never intentionally chose.

One of the things I love about Scripture is that God consistently invites us to examine our hearts. He isn’t nearly as interested in appearances as He is in our motives.

Jesus talked about money often, not because money was the point, but because it reveals what we treasure. It exposes where we place our trust, where we seek security, and sometimes even where we’re trying to fill holes that only He can fill.

Shopping is a great distraction but it can’t buy peace. No paycheck can purchase contentment. No promotion can replace purpose.

Those things come from knowing who you are and living in alignment with what matters most.

Financial coaching isn’t just about creating a budget or paying off debt. Those things are important, but they’re only part of the picture.

Real financial transformation begins when you become clear about the life you’re trying to build. Because once you’re clear about what you truly want, your financial decisions become much simpler.

Not always easier, but clearer.

You begin saying yes to things that support your priorities and no to things that don’t.

You stop comparing your journey to everyone else’s.

You stop buying things to impress people whose opinions don’t actually matter.

You stop believing that more is always better.

Instead, you begin building a life that reflects your values instead of your impulses.

So today, I want to leave you with the same question we started with.

Do you know what you really want?

Not what culture tells you to want. Not what your neighbors have. Not what social media celebrates.

What do you want?

Because if you don’t answer that question intentionally, the world will answer it for you. And before long, you’ll wake up one day wondering how you ended up living a life that doesn’t look anything like the one you were hoping for.

Your money is a tool. Every dollar you earn is an opportunity to move closer to the life God is calling you to live.

The question is, are you using it to build the life you truly want…or the life you accidentally drifted into?

What Are You Still Leaning On?

/ Yvonne / Leave a comment

Have you ever watched someone walk on crutches?

At first, they serve an important purpose. They provide support while an injury heals. They keep us from putting too much weight on something that’s still fragile. But eventually, there comes a day when the doctor says it’s time to let them go. Time to trust the healing. Time to begin putting weight on that leg again.

I think life works the same way.

We all have crutches.

Some are obvious. Others are so woven into our daily lives that we don’t even realize we’re leaning on them anymore. They often start as something we truly need. They help us survive a difficult time, protect us after we’ve been hurt, or simply help us make it through another day. But what was once temporary can slowly become permanent if we’re not careful.

That’s when a crutch stops helping us heal and starts keeping us from growing.

I know this because I’ve had my own.

There were times after my divorce when fear was understandable. I was rebuilding my life, raising my children, trying to find work, and learning how to navigate a future that looked nothing like the one I had imagined. There were plenty of reasons to question whether I was capable of starting over.

Those feelings weren’t wrong.

But had I continued to let fear make every decision for me, I would have remained stuck in a chapter that God never intended to be my whole story.

The tricky thing about crutches is that they rarely look like excuses. More often, they sound perfectly reasonable.

We tell ourselves we’ll start the business when life settles down. We’ll work on our marriage after this busy season. We’ll finally get healthy when we have more time. We’ll become more involved at church when work isn’t so demanding. We’ll deal with our finances when we make a little more money.

Sometimes those reasons are legitimate. Life is hard, and there are seasons when simply getting through the day is enough.

But sometimes we have to ask ourselves a difficult question.

Is this obstacle still protecting me… or has it quietly become the reason I’m no longer growing?

That question has challenged me more than once because the truth is, familiar feels safe. Even when it keeps us stuck.

I see this happen every day in my work as a financial coach.

People often come to me convinced that money is the problem. They believe everything will finally fall into place once they earn a bigger paycheck, receive a promotion, or get out of debt. While those things can certainly make a difference, they’re often not the root of the problem.

I’ve watched people receive raises only to find themselves living paycheck to paycheck less than a year later. The income changed, but the habits didn’t. The emotional relationship with money didn’t. The beliefs they carried about themselves didn’t.

The crutch wasn’t their income.

It was believing that more income would solve a problem that actually required personal growth.

Money has an incredible way of revealing what’s happening beneath the surface.

Someone tells themselves they can’t save because they don’t make enough money. That may be true, but sometimes it’s easier to believe that than to examine the spending habits that drain their paycheck.

Someone else says they’ll start budgeting next month. Then next month becomes next year.

Others tell themselves they’ll invest someday, pay off debt someday, ask for the promotion someday, or finally chase the dream they’ve carried for years.

“Someday” can become one of the strongest crutches we ever lean on because it gives us permission to delay becoming the person we know we’re capable of being.

The truth is, our financial habits usually aren’t just about dollars and cents. They’re often connected to fear, confidence, identity, and past experiences.

If we soothe stress by shopping, more money usually means more shopping.

If we struggle to set healthy boundaries, we often find ourselves spending money trying to keep everyone else happy.

If we believe we’re “just bad with money,” we’ll unconsciously make decisions that reinforce that belief over and over again.

Our bank accounts don’t create those patterns.

They simply reveal them.

The same thing happens in every other area of our lives.

We stay in jobs that drain us because the unknown feels scarier than the familiar. We avoid difficult conversations because silence feels easier than conflict. We postpone taking care of our health because life is busy. We convince ourselves we’ll spend more time with God after things calm down, even though life rarely slows down on its own.

Our crutches may all look different, but they usually have one thing in common.

They keep us from taking the next step.

Please don’t misunderstand me. Some people are carrying incredibly heavy burdens. Grief, illness, divorce, job loss, caregiving, and unexpected hardships are real. This isn’t about pretending those struggles don’t exist or suggesting we should just “try harder.”

It’s about honestly asking whether the thing we’re leaning on today is still helping us heal or whether it’s quietly become the reason we’ve stopped moving forward.

One of the things I love most about Scripture is that God rarely gave people the entire plan before asking them to move. Noah built before the rain came. Abraham left home before he knew where he was going. Peter stepped out of the boat before he experienced the miracle.

Faith has never required certainty.

It has always required a willingness to take the next step.

Maybe your crutch is fear. Maybe it’s perfectionism. Maybe it’s believing you’ve missed your opportunity. Maybe it’s the story you’ve been telling yourself for years about why your finances will never change, your marriage will never improve, or your dreams are simply too far out of reach.

Whatever it is, I want to encourage you to ask yourself one simple question:

What would my life look like if I stopped leaning on this?

You don’t have to have everything figured out. And you don’t have to sprint toward the finish line.

You just have to be willing to take the next faithful step.

That might look like creating your first budget instead of avoiding your bank statements. It might mean applying for the job you’ve convinced yourself you’re not qualified for. It might mean having the difficult conversation you’ve been putting off, asking for help, going back to school, starting counseling, or simply believing that your past doesn’t have to define your future.

Small, faithful steps have a way of changing the direction of an entire life.

After all, the goal was never to spend our lives walking on crutches.

The goal was always to heal, grow stronger, and discover that with God’s help, we’re capable of standing, walking, and eventually helping someone else who’s still learning to take those first uncertain steps.

Why Doing Nothing Might Be One of the Smartest Financial Decisions You Make

/ Yvonne / Leave a comment

This past week, I had the opportunity to attend our church ladies’ retreat, and I came home with something I didn’t expect.

It wasn’t a notebook full of profound revelations or a perfectly organized list of goals.

It was peace.

Each morning, before the day really began, several of us would gather on the deck overlooking the lake. Coffee cups and tea mugs in hand, wrapped in blankets against the cool morning air, we sat together watching the water. We shared our morning devotionals, laughed, prayed, and simply enjoyed being present.

There wasn’t a schedule to rush through.

There wasn’t a phone constantly demanding attention.

There wasn’t a to-do list waiting for me.

There was just stillness.

It reminded me how rarely we allow ourselves to simply be.

Our culture celebrates busyness. We wear exhaustion like a badge of honor. We convince ourselves that if we’re not constantly producing, checking things off our lists, or chasing the next goal, we’re somehow falling behind.

But I don’t think God designed us that way.

In fact, throughout Scripture, we see rhythms of work and rest. Even God rested after creation. But God wasn’t tired. He was letting us know that rest has purpose. Jesus often stepped away from the crowds to spend quiet time with His Father before returning to serve others.

Somewhere along the way, many of us forgot that rest isn’t laziness. It’s preparation.

And believe it or not, this has everything to do with our finances.

When we’re mentally exhausted, emotionally drained, or running from one obligation to the next, we don’t usually make our best financial decisions.

We grab takeout because we’re too tired to cook.

We impulse shop because we’re emotionally depleted.

We ignore our budget because we simply don’t have the mental energy to deal with it.

We avoid opening bills because we’re overwhelmed and convince ourselves we’ll “figure it out later,” and it’s usually because we’re running on empty.

One of the biggest misconceptions about financial success is that it’s all about discipline. While discipline certainly matters, what often matters more is having enough mental and emotional margin to make good decisions in the first place.

When your brain never gets a chance to slow down, everything begins to feel urgent. And when everything feels urgent, it’s difficult to think clearly about anything, including your money.

That’s why downtime isn’t wasted time. It’s an investment.

When we pause, our minds become clearer. We notice things we’ve been missing. We stop reacting and start responding with intention.

Those quiet mornings on the deck overlooking the lake reminded me that clarity rarely arrives when life is loud.

It comes in the quiet.

As we shared breakfast together afterward, lingering over delicious meals and unhurried conversations, I realized how refreshing it felt not to constantly think about what was next. There was no pressure to perform. No competition. Just genuine connection.

I think our finances benefit from that same mindset.

Imagine sitting down to look at your bank account, not from a place of panic or guilt, but from a place of peace.

Imagine making spending decisions that align with your values instead of appeasing your emotions.

Imagine having enough margin to ask yourself, “Is this really the best next step?”

Those kinds of decisions don’t usually happen when we’re overwhelmed. They happen when we’ve taken time to breathe.

The truth is, downtime doesn’t cost us productivity. It often creates it.

And it doesn’t make us financially irresponsible. It helps us become financially intentional.

Sometimes the most productive thing you can do for your finances isn’t creating another spreadsheet or listening to another budgeting podcast.

Sometimes it’s taking a walk.

Reading your Bible on the porch.

Sitting beside a lake.

Having an unhurried conversation with friends.

Drinking your coffee while the world wakes up around you.

Because when your soul is rested, your mind becomes clearer.

And when your mind is clearer, your financial decisions often become wiser.

I’m incredibly thankful to the ladies who organized this retreat and to our church family for making times like this possible. It was a beautiful reminder that God often speaks the loudest when we finally become quiet enough to listen.

Maybe you’ve been telling yourself you don’t have time to rest.

I’d gently challenge that thought.

Maybe you don’t have time not to.

Your mind, your heart, your relationships, and yes, even your finances, will thank you for it.

ADHD and Your Finances: It’s Not About Willpower

/ Yvonne / Leave a comment

If anyone has ever looked at you while you were talking and said “Squirrel”, this is for you.

Although ADHD (often lovingly referred to as neurospicy) has become much more of a normal part of everyday conversation, most of those conversations still focus on the same handful of symptoms. They usually talk about someone who can’t sit still or gets hyper focused, loses their keys every other day, or starts five projects before finishing one. While those challenges are certainly real, they only tell part of the story.

What doesn’t get talked about nearly enough is how ADHD can affect almost every area of life, including your finances.

If you’ve ever wondered why managing your money feels harder than it seems to be for everyone else, there may be more going on than a lack of willpower or self-discipline. ADHD affects the brain’s executive function, which is responsible for planning, organizing, decision-making, time management, impulse control, and working memory. Those are the very skills we rely on to pay bills on time, stick to a budget, save for the future, and think through financial decisions.

That means someone with ADHD may fully understand what they should do with their money, yet still struggle to do it consistently. They may know exactly how a budget works, understand the importance of saving, or genuinely want to get out of debt, but knowing what to do and consistently following through are two very different things. The gap between knowledge and action can be frustrating, especially when other people assume it’s simply a matter of trying harder. And unfortunately, the outside world doesn’t always see that difference.

For many people, that misunderstanding leads to shame. They begin to believe they’re irresponsible, lazy, careless, or somehow destined to always struggle with money. After hearing those messages long enough, they often start believing them. They compare themselves to friends or family members who seem to have it all together and wonder, “Why can’t I just do what everyone else does?”

The truth is, most people with ADHD aren’t choosing financial chaos. They’re often putting in an incredible amount of effort while navigating challenges that other people can’t see. They want financial peace just as much as anyone else. They want to stop worrying about bills, build savings, get out of debt, and feel confident about their financial future. They aren’t lacking desire. They simply need strategies that work with the way their brain functions instead of against it.

Understanding that difference can be incredibly freeing because it shifts the conversation from, “What’s wrong with me?” to, “How can I manage my money in a way that works with how God made me?” That one change in perspective opens the door to practical solutions instead of self-condemnation. It allows you to stop measuring yourself against someone else’s brain and start building habits that fit your own.

I also believe it’s a reminder of something even deeper. God didn’t create us all to think, process, or solve problems in exactly the same way. Each of us has been uniquely designed with different strengths, different challenges, and different ways of experiencing the world. Recognizing that ADHD affects your finances isn’t making excuses for poor decisions. It’s gaining the understanding needed to make better ones.

When you begin working with the way you’re wired instead of constantly fighting against it, you stop relying on willpower alone. You start creating systems that support your success, reduce unnecessary stress, and make financial decisions that are easier to follow through on. This is often why one size fits all programs rarely work long term.

Maybe today, your first step is finally taking a breath and letting go of the overwhelm. Maybe it’s setting up automatic payments. Maybe it’s asking for help because you’ve realized you don’t have to figure this out alone.

Whatever that next step is, don’t underestimate its importance.

Small, consistent steps will take you much farther than big changes that only last a week.

If you have ADHD, your financial journey may look different from someone else’s, and that’s okay. Different doesn’t mean it’s wrong or impossible. It simply means you need tools and strategies that work with the way God uniquely designed your brain instead of constantly fighting against it.

Your diagnosis doesn’t determine your financial future.

Your next decision does.

That’s good news though, because you get to make another decision tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that. Little by little, those decisions begin to add up, and before long you’ll discover that managing your money wasn’t about becoming a different person after all.

It was about learning to work with the person God created you to be.