mental-health

Why Are You Holding Yourself There?

/ Yvonne / Leave a comment

I’m going to say what you’ve probably been thinking:

You’re worn out.

Not in the “I should go to bed earlier” way. More in the “I’m carrying ten different worries and pretending I’m fine” way.

Trying to figure out how you’ll ever buy a home when everything feels overpriced.
Trying to rebuild financially after a divorce that flipped your life inside out.
Trying to stop the money disagreements with your partner because you both look at dollars and bills through completely different lenses.

It adds up.
And it weighs on you in ways people don’t always see.

But you’re not just tired of the situation.
You’re tired of feeling like you’re doing everything you can… and still not getting anywhere.

And deep down, you might be waiting.

Waiting for the “right time.”
Waiting until life settles.
Waiting until you’re less stressed, less busy, less overwhelmed.

But think about it… when was the last time life slowed down for any of us?

You might be telling yourself you’ll start once things calm down.
But somehow, every week comes with a new fire to put out.

And while you’re waiting?

Time keeps moving.

The next six months are coming whether you’re ready or not.
The next year is still going to show up, even if you spend the whole time in pause mode.
Life isn’t going to tap you on the shoulder and say, “Okay, now’s a good moment.”

Life is going to happen, with or without you.

And I’m saying this with love:

If you keep waiting for life to feel peaceful, you’ll be waiting forever.

I’m not judging you. I’ve lived this.
I’ve stalled.
I’ve told myself, “I’ll start once things slow down.”
Meanwhile, life kept tossing curveballs, and I was still trying to figure out how to make a dollar behave.

And somewhere in all this, there’s a steady nudge from God that says:

“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.” (Proverbs 16:3)

It doesn’t say after you fix everything.
It doesn’t say once everything is organized, clean, and predictable.
It just says: Commit.

Show up as you are.
In the mess.
With the fear.
With the busy schedule.
With the long list of worries.

Because God doesn’t need perfect timing. He just needs willingness.

You might feel like you have too much going on to start fixing your finances.

But imagine how heavy things will feel six months from now if nothing changes.

Imagine being in the exact same spot or even further behind a year from today:
Still overwhelmed, still guessing, still exhausted.

That’s the part we don’t think about enough.

Waiting isn’t neutral.
It costs you peace.
It costs you progress.
It costs you time you can’t get back.

And look, you’re not asking for a yacht.
You’re not trying to impress anybody.
You just want stability.
A future that feels steady.
A home that doesn’t stretch every part of you thin.
A bank account that doesn’t give you heartburn.

You deserve that.
Not someday.
Not “when things settle.”
Now.

And you can get there by starting with small, doable steps that don’t require your whole life to be perfect first.

So if you’re sitting there thinking:

“I’m drowning in decisions.”
or
“I can’t focus on this right now. I have too much going on.”

Let me gently ask:

Isn’t that the exact reason to start now?

Life won’t magically get easier.
But you can get stronger, clearer, and more prepared, one step at a time.

Imagine where you could be next year if you started today.
Imagine looking back thinking, “I’m glad I didn’t wait again.”

And when you’re ready, I’ll walk with you.
We’ll get your finances steadier.
We’ll get your credit where it needs to be.
We’ll get you prepared to buy a home without losing your mind.

Because you’re not too late.
You’re just at a turning point, and it’s time to move forward, not keep waiting for permission from a moment that may never come.

You Didn’t Struggle For Nothing

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Some of the challenges this year felt more like “Lord, are You sure I’m built for this?” moments than “I’m so thankful” moments.
This year might’ve handed you a few struggles you didn’t see coming.
Bills, surprises, decisions, mistakes, lessons — the whole package.

Even so… you’re here. And that says something.

I won’t pretend the tough moments were pleasant. Nobody sits there saying, “Wow, this financial setback is really blessing my spirit today.”
But those same moments changed you in ways comfort never could.

Because it grows you.

As much as we don’t like it, the hard seasons teach us more about money and ourselves than the easy ones ever will.
Nobody learns discipline when the paycheck is overflowing.
No character is built when the bills are light.
And nobody cries out to God for guidance when everything is smooth and easy.

It’s in the struggle that we learn things we wouldn’t have learned any other way.

Being thankful for the lessons doesn’t mean you enjoyed the struggle.

It just means you refused to let it break you.

Maybe this year forced you to take budgeting seriously.
Maybe a financial surprise pushed you to rethink your priorities.
Maybe you had to let go of something you weren’t ready to release.
Or maybe you finally realized you were tired of repeating the same cycle repeatedly.

Whatever your story is, every challenge added something to you: strength, clarity, or courage.

James 1:2–4 says to “count it all joy” when we face trials because those trials shape endurance.
Endurance isn’t pretty, but it will carry you financially further than any “perfect plan” ever will.

The hard stuff teaches:

1. Discipline over impulse

When money is tight, you learn the difference between needs, wants, and “maybe I’ll just walk away before I talk myself into this.”

2. Patience while you wait for better

Waiting for progress teaches you to stop comparing your life to everyone else’s highlight reel.

3. Courage to face your numbers even when they scare you

You learned to open the banking app and check that balance more regularly.
(Yes, your heart raced, but you did it.)

4. Wisdom that keeps you from repeating old mistakes

Nothing will make you wiser than a financial lesson that slapped you once.
You don’t need it slapping you twice.

There’s nothing like a hard-hitting mistake to make you say, “Oh, I’m never doing that again.”

5. Gratitude for the progress you have made

Small wins count.
Tiny steps count.
And survival counts too.

Maybe you didn’t hit every goal, but you’re not where you used to be.
Small steps still move you forward.

As Thanksgiving gets close, take a moment to be thankful, if not for the struggle itself, maybe for the strength it produced.

You’re more aware of your habits.
Your boundaries are clearer.
Your goals make more sense.
And the person you’re becoming is stronger than the person who started this year.

Sometimes God lets us walk through the hard places so we can finally see what we’re capable of and so we stop thinking about money the same old way. Sometimes the struggle is what finally pushes us into real financial change – the kind that lasts, not the kind that fades after three weeks of motivation.

So if this year stretched you… good! Be thankful you’re not who you used to be.
Be thankful for what you learned.
Be thankful that the next version of your life is being built on solid ground.

Be thankful you’re heading into the new year with sharper skills, better habits, and a whole new level of confidence.

Let the credit go to God for carrying you, and let the credit card stay in your wallet while you build on everything you gained.

That’s something to be thankful for.

And if you feel like you’re not quite there yet but would like to be, start the new year strong by scheduling a call with me. It’s free! It’s never too late to get on the right path.

Schedule Here

The Hidden Lesson Behind Those Gifts on the Porch

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I remember being a little kid, maybe five or six, coming home one cold winter night with my sister and parents to our tiny house heated by a coal burning stove. It was around Christmas, and we’d been gone all day. When we got back, there were gifts sitting on the back doorstep, one for every single person in the family.

And in my little kid brain, I thought, Wow, Santa really outdid himself this year! I remember feeling so happy, so excited. It felt magical.

What I didn’t understand then, and what hit me a lot later, was that those gifts weren’t from Santa. They were from people in town who knew we didn’t have much that year. People who quietly showed up to make sure we still had a Christmas.

And I’ll be honest, when I figured that out as an adult, it hit hard. Because that’s when I realized… we were probably the poorest family in town.

Now, as a kid, you don’t think much about money. You just know what you have and what you don’t. But growing up with that kind of experience, it stuck with me. It planted this belief deep down that not having money meant something about me. That if I wasn’t doing well financially, I was somehow “less than.”

And for a long time, I carried that into adulthood.

If I wasn’t making enough money, I felt embarrassed. If someone asked how much I made or what I did for work, I’d tense up a little. Even when I started doing okay, there was still this fear in the back of my mind that it could all disappear, that I might end up back on that porch, being the family that needed someone else to show up for them.

That kind of shame can run deep. It shows up in the way you spend, the way you save, even in the way you talk about money. You might feel guilty for having it, or guilty for not having enough of it. And the truth is, neither one feels good.

It took me years to unlearn that. To realize that my worth has nothing to do with my income. That money isn’t good or bad. It’s just a tool. And when you know how to use it, it can give you options, peace, and the freedom to help others the way someone once helped my family.

That night, those mystery gifts on the doorstep, they taught me a lot more than I realized at the time. They taught me about kindness, about quiet generosity, and about what it feels like to be on the receiving end of grace.

Now, when I think about money, I think about that balance between giving and receiving, between being smart with what you have and being grateful for what you’ve been given.

And I think maybe that’s something we all need to remember. You can grow up poor, make mistakes, feel shame, and still learn how to create a healthy relationship with money.

We need to learn being broke isn’t permanent. But the lessons it teaches you about resilience, about gratitude, about empathy – those can change your life forever.

If you’d like some tips and tricks on dealing with holiday spending or personal finance all year round, follow me on any social media platform.

https://www.instagram.com/tulinc_coaching/

https://www.facebook.com/TuLincU/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/yvonneclark/

TikTok @tulinc_coaching

(YouTube channel coming soon)

And if you’d like to schedule a free call with me, go here– https://tulincu.com/

The Great Generational Money Feud: Who Really Had It Easier?

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Let’s get controversial. Arguments about money between generations have become intense. Online, Boomers might say, “If you’d stop buying $7 lattes, you could afford a house!” while Millennials or Gen Z reply, “Yeah, when homes didn’t cost 14 times your salary!”

It’s easy to roll your eyes at either side. But, like most arguments, the truth isn’t black and white; it’s somewhere in the middle.

The Older Generation’s Side: “We Worked for It.”

The older generation loves to remind everyone that they worked hard for what they have, and they’re not wrong. Many of them came up during a time when you landed a job and stayed there for 30 years, maybe even retired with a pension.

They dealt with sky-high interest rates, sometimes as high as 15% or more in the late ’70s and ’80s. So yes, homes were cheaper, but financing them was a whole different kind of painful. A single percentage point (or even a quarter of one) can mean hundreds of dollars a month, and they felt that sting.

They didn’t have credit cards on every corner or “buy now, pay later” buttons tempting them daily. Vacations (if they took them) were road trips, dinners out were rare, and “keeping up with the Joneses” meant mowing your yard, not competing with Instagram influencers.

So when they look at today’s spending habits, subscription services, daily coffee runs, and designer side hustles, they see indulgence, not inflation.

And from their view, they’re right. They learned to live on less because they had to.

The Younger Generation’s Side: “You Don’t Get It.”

But the younger generation isn’t imagining things either; the math really is different now.

Yes, Boomers had higher interest rates, but they were also borrowing a lot less. A $60,000 house at 12% is a whole different beast than a $400,000 home at 7%. And that’s if you can even get approved for a mortgage with today’s debt-to-income ratios.

Millennials and Gen Z aren’t just battling home prices. They’re buried under student loans, rising healthcare costs, childcare that costs more than rent, and stagnant wages that haven’t kept up with inflation. Many of them are working two jobs or side hustles just to break even.

And while many Boomers had company pensions and affordable healthcare through their employers, younger workers are often piecing together gig income, freelance work, and 401(k)s that depend entirely on their own contributions.

Add in things like skyrocketing rent, insurance premiums, and the constant cost of staying “connected”, internet, cell phone, streaming, and apps, and it’s no wonder so many feel like they’re sprinting just to stay in place.

The Truth in the Middle

Here’s where both sides are right and wrong.

The older generation worked hard and faced real financial challenges, but they also lived in an economy that rewarded stability and consistency. The younger generation is facing costs that didn’t exist back then, but they also live in a time with more access to information, flexibility, and opportunity than ever before.

Boomers had to sacrifice convenience; Millennials and Gen Z have to sacrifice comfort. Both are valid forms of struggle.

The truth is, both generations want the same thing: financial freedom, peace of mind, and the ability to enjoy life without worrying about the next bill. They just had to play the game under completely different rules.

What We Can Learn From Each Other

Maybe the older generation could acknowledge that times really have changed and the math doesn’t add up the same way it used to.
And maybe the younger generation could recognize that some of the financial frustration isn’t just systemic, it’s also behavioral.

Discipline, patience, and delayed gratification still matter. But so does adaptability, creativity, and learning to navigate a world that moves faster than ever.

If we stopped arguing over who had it worse and started learning from each other, we might actually meet in the middle: old-school sacrifice with modern strategy.

Because financial success isn’t just about the decade you were born in, it’s about how you manage the one you’re living in.

You Know What to Do. So Why Aren’t You Doing It?

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Let’s cut straight to it.
You probably already know how to fix your money problems.

You’ve read the blogs. You’ve watched the videos.
You know how to budget, how to save, and what not to buy on impulse.
So if knowledge was the answer, you’d already be good.

But you’re not stuck because you don’t know. You’re stuck because you don’t trust yourself to follow through.

And that’s a different kind of problem.

It’s not about the numbers. It’s about the stories.

Every money habit you have; the overspending, the procrastination, the avoidance, is connected to a story you’ve told yourself for years.
Maybe it’s:
“I’ve never been good with money.”
“I’ll never have enough.”
“I’ll start once I make more.”

And every time you act in a way that fits that story, it reinforces it.
Not because you want to stay stuck, but because it feels familiar.

Familiar feels safe, even when it’s expensive.

So you keep living on autopilot, repeating the same behaviors you swore you’d stop doing… because doing something different requires a new identity, not just new information.

Let’s get real for a second.

You don’t need another budget app.
You don’t need a color-coded spreadsheet.
You don’t even need another “money challenge.”

What you do need is a better understanding of why you don’t believe yourself when you say you’ll change.

Because if you’ve broken a promise to yourself enough times, you stop trusting your own word.
And without trust, motivation doesn’t matter.

So what can you actually do?

Let’s shake things up a little. Not with more rules, but with real moves.

1. Stop setting “perfect world” goals.
You don’t live in a perfect world. Stop making plans for one.
If your budget only works when nothing goes wrong, it’s not realistic, it’s fantasy. Build in real life. Build in the unexpected. Build in grace.

2. Change your environment before you change your behavior.
If your phone is full of shopping apps, delete them.
If you always overspend with certain friends, start suggesting hangouts that don’t cost money.
You can’t keep your same habits and expect your money to behave differently.

3. Make your progress visible.
We love seeing “wins,” but most financial change happens quietly like paying $200 more than the minimum payment regularly, saying no to dinner out, skipping the sale. Track it somewhere you can see it. Progress you can see becomes progress you protect.

4. Create small discomfort on purpose.
Change never happens in your comfort zone. Set up small challenges that stretch you; a no-spend weekend, a savings goal that feels slightly out of reach, a conversation with someone about debt that you’ve been avoiding.
You don’t need chaos. You need tension that teaches you self-control.

5. Ask better questions.
Instead of “Why can’t I stick to this?” ask, “What do I gain by not changing?”
Because if you’re holding onto a habit, even a bad one, it’s doing something for you; giving you comfort, control, or distraction. When you find that reason, you can finally replace it with something healthier.

Here’s the truth no one likes to hear:
Most people don’t stay stuck because they don’t have a plan.
They stay stuck because they’re addicted to the version of themselves that’s used to struggling.

Change costs identity.
And until you’re willing to let go of who you’ve been with money, you’ll keep repeating the same patterns, just with better excuses.

So maybe the question isn’t “Why am I not doing what I know I should do?”
Maybe it’s “What part of me is afraid of what happens if I actually do it?”

Because sometimes it’s not fear of failure holding you back — it’s fear of finally succeeding.

The Middle

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There’s a stretch of life that feels like a pressure cooker. You’re not just building your own future, you’re supporting everyone else’s too. The kids still need you. The parents now do, too. And somehow, you’re expected to keep the lights on, stay sane, and have a retirement plan in place.

Welcome to the middle.

This stage, often called the “sandwich generation”,  is where so many people find themselves emotionally stretched and financially scrambled. You’re the go-to person for school pickups, sports fees, emergency dental appointments, and also the one researching Medicare plans, managing doctor visits, and making sure your parents don’t fall for the latest scam call.

It’s a season of deep love, real responsibility, and if we’re being honest…a little chaos.

The Unspoken Toll

Let’s talk numbers for a second. It’s not just the emotional labor. It’s the money.

You might be covering part of your parents’ prescriptions, helping with their rent, or paying for in-home care. At the same time, your teenager just announced they want to tour colleges, each one with a tuition price tag that could fund a luxury car.

Add in your own rising property tax, food costs that feel like a prank, and the guilt of not saving enough for your own retirement, and yeah, it’s a lot.

And here’s the kicker: Most people in this spot don’t talk about it. They just quietly stretch their budgets, skip vacations, and push their own goals to the back burner.

The Myth of “Having It All Together”

There’s this subtle pressure to pretend you’re managing just fine. But behind closed doors, the budget spreadsheet isn’t adding up. You’ve dipped into savings. You’re making minimum payments. And sometimes, you wonder how long you can keep this up.

If this is you, let me say this clearly: “If it feels like you’re sinking, maybe it’s because you’ve taken on a load too heavy to carry alone.

What You Can Do (Even If It’s Not Perfect)

You may not be able to fix everything overnight, but there are a few things that can make this season more manageable:

  • Get brutally honest about your numbers. It’s tempting to avoid the hard look at the bank account. But clarity is a kindness to your future self.
  • Prioritize ruthlessly. You can’t give everyone everything. Choose what really matters right now; maybe it’s college savings over a new car, or saying no to a costly family event you can’t swing this year.
  • Ask for help. From your siblings, from your partner, from a financial coach. You don’t have to do this alone.
  • Talk to your kids and your parents. When transparency is shared with love and care, it builds trust, and sometimes it even sparks unexpected solutions, like scholarships or shared caregiving that come out of family brainstorming sessions.
  • Give yourself grace. This isn’t a season of perfect plans. It’s a season of surviving with heart.

This Is Temporary

It doesn’t always feel like it, but this season will change. Your parents won’t need the same level of care forever. Your kids won’t live at home forever (even if it really seems like they might). And eventually, you’ll come up for air.

But while you’re in the middle, remember this: You’re not alone, and you’re not doing it wrong. You’re just doing what strong, loving, resilient people have always done—figuring it out, one hard decision at a time.

And that, my friend, is something to be proud of.

When Peace Feels Wrong and Stability Feels Boring

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Let’s talk about something uncomfortable.

Not credit scores.
Not retirement accounts.
Not budgeting.

Let’s talk about the part of you that might be addicted to chaos.

I know, I know! The word addicted feels dramatic all on its own. But hang with me.

You might not be chasing drama on purpose. You’re not starting fights or stirring up messes. But if you’re constantly dealing with emergencies, living paycheck to paycheck (even when you make decent money), or finding yourself stuck in the same stressful financial patterns, there might be something deeper going on.

And it’s not just about dollars. It’s about what your nervous system has learned to expect.

Trauma and Drama: The Financial Loop

If you grew up in a home where money was always tight, unpredictable, or used as a weapon, your body may have learned to live in crisis mode.

And now, as an adult, crisis feels… normal. Familiar. Even safe.

So when things are calm, when your bills are paid, when your savings account is growing, you may unconsciously self-sabotage.

You buy something you don’t need.
You stop checking your bank account.
You help someone out financially (again) even though you don’t actually have the margin.

And boom, chaos is back. Crisis mode returns. And your nervous system can breathe a twisted sigh of relief: Ahhh, yes, back where we belong.

That’s what addiction looks like. Not because you’re weak, but because your body is just trying to survive in the only way it knows how.

Financial Drama Is a Distraction

Here’s the hard truth: staying stuck in trauma and drama keeps you from having to do the slow, sometimes boring work of building a stable life.

Creating a budget, sticking to it, setting long-term goals, saying no when it’s easier to say yes, these things don’t always feel exciting. They don’t give you that adrenaline rush that a financial emergency does.

But they do give you peace. And purpose. And the kind of freedom that doesn’t come from a tax refund or a side hustle. It comes from consistency.

God Didn’t Design You to Live in Constant Survival

Let’s get spiritual for a second. Because this isn’t just psychological or financial, it’s also deeply spiritual.

God doesn’t call us to chaos.
He doesn’t say, “I came so they could barely scrape by.”
He says, “I came so they may have life, and have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10)

Abundance doesn’t mean designer bags or Instagram vacations. It means enough. It means peace in your decisions. It means margin. It means getting out of survival mode and into stewardship.

If your nervous system is addicted to drama, it’s going to fight you every time you try to rest, save, or say “no.”

But that’s not the voice of God. That’s the voice of your past trying to hold your future hostage.

How to Break the Cycle

Here’s where we start:

1. Tell the truth.
Admit when you’re creating chaos out of habit. Admit when calm feels scary. That’s not weakness, that’s wisdom.

2. Pause before reacting.
Before making a big purchase, saying yes to helping someone, or ignoring your bills, take a beat. Ask: “Am I solving a real problem, or am I chasing that drama high again?”

3. Create routines that feel safe.
Budgeting, tracking expenses, and planning your financial week, these aren’t chores. They’re anchors. They help your nervous system learn what safety feels like.

4. Invite God into your money.
Ask Him to break your patterns. To heal your heart. To help you see money as a tool, not a trap.

5. Get help.
You’re not meant to do this alone. Whether it’s a coach (hi, that’s me), a therapist, or a trusted accountability partner, bring people into your healing.

You need to understand, you are not lazy, and you’re not bad with money. You’re not broken.

You’re likely exhausted. And your brain has confused chaos with comfort.

But you can change that.
You can heal.
And you can build a financial life that doesn’t just look good, but actually feels good.

Drama doesn’t have to be your default. Peace can be your new normal.

What If I Mess It Up?  

/ Yvonne / Leave a comment

Let’s talk about the panic that sets in when life throws you a curveball… and money starts lurking in the background like a nosy neighbor peeking through the blinds whispering, “You gonna handle this or…?”

Whether it’s a divorce, a new job, a layoff, a baby, an empty nest, or just waking up one day feeling like someone replaced your life with a new script and forgot to give you the next page, it’s wild how fast everything can change. And when it does, money decisions feel like fragile bomb wires you’re terrified to cut.

Suddenly, every question feels loaded:

  • Should I move?
  • Can I afford this new direction?
  • Do I cash out the retirement fund or just cry and scroll Zillow? (my former go-to)
  • What does “rebalance your portfolio” even mean, and why does it sound violent?

Why We Freeze (Even Smart People)

You can be incredibly capable and still find yourself absolutely paralyzed when it’s time to decide what to do with your money in a big life transition. Why?

Because money feels finite. It feels like whatever decision you make has to be the right one, or you’ll ruin everything.

You’re not clueless. Your life just outgrew the old plan.

We fear failure. Fear regret. Fear of making it worse. Fear of disappointing people. Fear of having to explain it to your ex, your mom, your financial advisor, or even just your cat, who seems unusually judgmental lately.

And so, instead of deciding, you start Googling things like:

  • “Is ‘hope’ a legit financial strategy?”
  • “Would a grown adult ask their mom to pick their health plan?”
  • “Is there a budget app that comes with a therapist?

You start cleaning the kitchen. You watch YouTube videos about minimalism. You open your spending plan, then immediately close it and make a snack. Decision fatigue sets in before you’ve even made a decision.

And then you realize you’re not stuck. You’re scared. And that’s okay.

Change, even the kind you asked for, is still a form of loss. You’re grieving the old version of you, the familiar routines, the financial plan that may have worked for that past season.

What you need isn’t a perfect plan. It’s a kind voice (yours or borrowed) that says:

“You don’t have to get it all right today. You just have to start.”

And if you’re a person of faith, here’s the reminder you might’ve needed: You don’t have to carry the weight of every decision on your own. God isn’t sitting back waiting for you to figure it out. He’s ready to walk with you through it. Ask Him. Even if your prayer is just, “God, I don’t know what I’m doing, but I don’t want to do it alone.”

Money decisions are rarely one-and-done. They’re more like a recipe you can tweak along the way. Maybe you start with one small thing:

  • Cancel a subscription.
  • Ask someone you trust a question.
  • Look at your account balances without bracing for emotional impact.
  • Say out loud, “I want to feel safe with money again.”

Funny Thing About Fear…

Fear tries to convince you that making the wrong money decision is the end of the world. But let me tell you what usually ends up happening is you either:

  1. Make a good decision and feel amazing.
  2. Make a so-so decision and learn from it.
  3. Or…make a weird choice, fix it later, and now you’ve got a story that starts with “Okay, don’t judge me, but…”

And guess what? All of those paths still lead forward. And not one of them catches God off guard, even if you’re surprised by the outcome.

So, What Now?

If you’re in the middle of a life change and terrified to touch your finances, just breathe. You don’t need to build Rome (or your retirement plan) in a day.

Start by admitting you’re scared to choose. That honesty alone will take some of the power out of the fear. Then, get curious. Ask:

  • What do I need to feel a little more secure right now?
  • Is there someone who can help me think through this without pressure?
  • What’s one small money win I could try this week?

And pray. Even about your budget. Even about what’s in your cart. Even about whether to downsize or stay put. There’s no shame in asking God to lead you in the practical stuff.

Courage isn’t about being fearless. It’s about showing up scared and doing something anyway. Even if that “something” is just opening your banking app without closing one eye and whispering a prayer first.

You’ve got this. Life changed, but you’re still here. And the future version of you is quietly cheering you on from the other side of this decision.

Also… your cat forgives you. Probably.

The Untreated Truth

/ Yvonne / Leave a comment

You can’t fix a leaky faucet by pretending the kitchen floor is just naturally damp. And you can’t heal what you won’t name. That’s where most of us get stuck. We feel the anxiety, the frustration, the pit in our stomach that shows up at 2 AM, but we wave it off. “Oh, I’m fine. I’m just a little tired.”

Sure. And I’m an Olympic figure skater. In heels.

The truth is, naming what’s going on is terrifying because it makes it real. Saying, “I’m scared about this new marriage,” or “I feel lost after this divorce,” or “Starting my business has me completely overwhelmed,” feels like putting a neon sign over our head that flashes: I DON’T HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER.

But guess what? You don’t have it all together. None of us do. And the sooner you admit it, the sooner you can actually do something about it. Pretending everything is fine is like duct taping your check engine light and hoping for the best. Spoiler alert: that engine is still going to blow. Probably on the highway. Probably when you’re already late.

Life changes—whether you’re standing at the altar, staring at a positive pregnancy test, sitting across from a divorce attorney, or trying to figure out if LLC or S-corp makes you sound more impressive—will stir up every single unhealed, unnamed thing inside you. And money? Oh, money loves to poke those tender spots.

If you grew up thinking money was tight, or you watched your parents fight about it, or you felt like you never quite got it right yourself, guess what happens when you’re about to combine finances with a spouse, or figure out maternity leave, or split assets, or launch your dream business? All that old junk comes flying out like confetti from a busted balloon. And if you don’t name it, you’ll just keep reacting to it. You’ll pick fights over Target runs or blow up your budget because “you deserve it,” when really, you’re just trying to quiet that panicked little voice inside that you’re too scared to acknowledge.

When you name it—”I’m terrified I’ll mess up our finances like my parents did”—you take its power away. You can work with something you name. You can build a plan around it. You can create habits that make space for both your fear and your goals. You can even call in help—a coach, a therapist, a very honest best friend who doesn’t let you get away with your usual nonsense.

But you can’t fix what you’re pretending isn’t there.

So go ahead. Say it out loud. Whisper it if you have to. Write it down where no one sees it. Name the thing. The fear, the hurt, the story you keep dragging around. Because once you name it, you can finally start healing it. And believe me, that feels way better than pretending your kitchen floor is just… naturally damp.

Show Me Your Bank Statement and I’ll Show You What You Value

/ Yvonne / Leave a comment

Let’s start with a question: When you think about being “good with money,” what pops into your head?

Saving more? Investing earlier? Maybe finally sticking to that not-yet-used budget that’s been silently judging you since January?

That’s all useful. But managing your money well isn’t just about math. It’s about meaning. If you’ve ever hit a financial goal and still felt a little… empty? Yeah, that’s your values trying to break through the noise.

Because if your money and your values aren’t on the same page, no amount of budgeting or earning will bring you real peace. Because the peace you’re looking for isn’t in your bank account.

Picture this: someone says they value peace and simplicity. But every weekend, they’re online shopping to cope with stress, signing up for side hustles they hate, and saying yes to every offer that comes with a paycheck no matter how soul-draining, all to pay for the shopping to “cope with the stress”.

That’s not peace. That’s burnout with a direct deposit.

We confuse “wants” with “values” all the time. Wanting something isn’t bad, it’s normal. But buying every want is like trying to build a stable life out of marshmallows. Fun for a minute. Messy later.

When you spend based on your values, your money decisions stop feeling like sacrifices and start feeling like freedom. You’re not depriving yourself. You’re choosing peace over pressure. Long-term joy over short-term dopamine.

But what are values, really?

Let’s pause. Because some people hear the word “values” and immediately think of something vague or preachy.

But values are just what matters most to you.

Not to your mom. Not to your best friend. Not to the influencer who “just can’t live without” her $40 matcha serum.

You might value creativity. Or rest. Or adventure. Or family. Or building a legacy. You don’t have to get it perfect, but you do have to get honest with yourself. Most of us don’t even stop to ask. We just chase the next thing because everyone else is doing it.

But clarity is powerful. When you really know what your values are, decision-making gets a lot easier. You stop asking, “Can I afford this?” and start asking, “Does this fit who I want to be or the life I want to live?”

Okay, you’re sold on the idea. Now what?

Here’s a simple (but not easy) process:

  1. Slow down and listen. What makes you feel alive? What makes you feel grounded? Write it down. Pay attention to when you feel content, not just excited.
  2. Notice your spending. Pull up your transactions from the last 30 days. What did you buy that actually felt worth it? What left you feeling “meh”? Your bank account is already telling your story. Read it. It’s like the saying goes, show me your bank statement and I’ll show you what you value.
  3. Ask the value question. Before you buy, ask: “Is this aligned with my values or just a passing want?” Even better, try, “Would future me thank me for this?”
  4. Plan with your values in mind. Make room in your budget for what matters most, even if that means spending more on it and less elsewhere. If community matters, maybe you host more dinners instead of buying more clothes. If freedom matters, maybe you say no to the second job and work on living within your means. (Ouch, I know that one stung)

Success feels different when it’s aligned.

Aligning your money with your values doesn’t always mean you’ll spend less. But it does mean you’ll spend smarter. With intention. With integrity. With the “I actually like how I’m living” kind of satisfaction.

And weirdly, that kind of peace attracts more success. Because you’re no longer wasting energy chasing stuff that doesn’t even matter to you. You get focused. You make decisions faster. You stop comparing your life to people who aren’t even aiming for what you want.

Most of us are trying to build a life that looks good on paper. But what if you built one that felt good instead?

More money won’t always fix your life. But money aligned with your values? That’s the good stuff. That’s where peace and success stop competing and start walking hand-in-hand.

So take your time. Learn what matters to you. Then let your money follow.

That’s the real flex.