love

What Affordability Really Means After Divorce

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There’s a moment after divorce or a major life reset when things finally settle down and everything gets quiet.

The paperwork is signed.
The adrenaline fades.
And you’re standing in your kitchen at 9:30 p.m., eating cereal for dinner, wondering how this became your life.

That’s usually when the question shows up:

Can I buy a home or keep the one I’m in on my own?

Not to prove anything.
Not to “win” the divorce.
Not to impress anyone who doesn’t pay your bills.

Just to build something steady again.

If that’s where you are, let me say this gently: buying a home after divorce is different. Not impossible. Just different. And God’s not surprised you’re here.

I know this season well. I’ve lived it. And I’ve watched God meet people right in the middle of it, sometimes with provision, sometimes with redirection, and occasionally with a sense of humor that feels almost rude at first.

Buying on one income changes everything.

There’s no “we’ll figure it out later.”
No second paycheck as a safety net in the background.
No shared “oops” fund when the water heater decides to retire early.

It can feel scary… and oddly freeing.

You stop asking:
“What can we qualify for?”

And start asking:
“What can I afford and still sleep at night?”

That question is wisdom.

After divorce, many people go one of two ways:

They either tell themselves,
“I guess I don’t get to want much anymore.”

Or they swing hard in the other direction, like,
“I’ve been through enough. I deserve this house.”

Both reactions make sense. Neither one makes great financial decisions.

Budgeting on one income isn’t God telling you to live small forever. It’s Him inviting you into stability.

It’s knowing:

  • What your income supports without constant stress
  • How much margin you need to feel safe
  • What makes your nervous system calm, not clenched

Here’s where people get tripped up.

They focus on:
“Can I make the payment?”

But forget:

  • Repairs don’t care that you’re newly single
  • Utility bills don’t accept emotional coupons
  • Maintenance doesn’t show mercy just because you’re tired

Owning a home should not require prayer every time the fridge makes a noise.

Your home should support your life, not consume it.

God is a provider. But, He’s not asking you to ignore math.

Emotional buying is very real after divorce

Let’s be honest.

After loss, people shop with feelings.

They buy the house that quietly says:
“I’m okay.”
“I made it.”
“I didn’t lose everything.”

Or the house that whispers:
“I shouldn’t want much.”
“I’ll stay small.”
“I don’t trust good things anymore.”

Neither extreme is sinful. Both are human. But finding stable middle ground is best.

Your house doesn’t need to heal your heart. God does that work. Your house just needs to be a safe place to land.

One of the most freeing thoughts rebuilding buyers can have is this:

“My home doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to work.”

Work for your income.
Work for your peace.
Work for the life God is rebuilding, not the one you’re grieving.

Sometimes that means:

  • Less square footage
  • A longer timeline
  • A simpler layout
  • A different plan than the one you had before

And sometimes it means letting yourself want something nice again without guilt. God is not offended by your desire for beauty or comfort.

Why I Specialize in This Season

I work with divorced, newly single, and rebuilding homebuyers because I understand the layers.

The financial reset.
The emotional exhaustion.
The quiet prayers that sound like, “Please don’t let me mess this up.”

Buying a home after divorce isn’t just a transaction. It’s a moment of direction.

And when done thoughtfully, with wisdom, numbers, prayer, and a little grace for yourself, it can be one of the most stabilizing decisions you make.

Not because it fixes everything.
But because it gives you a place to breathe while God continues to rebuild the rest.

And yes, you might still eat cereal for dinner sometimes.

That’s okay too.

The Hidden Lesson Behind Those Gifts on the Porch

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I remember being a little kid, maybe five or six, coming home one cold winter night with my sister and parents to our tiny house heated by a coal burning stove. It was around Christmas, and we’d been gone all day. When we got back, there were gifts sitting on the back doorstep, one for every single person in the family.

And in my little kid brain, I thought, Wow, Santa really outdid himself this year! I remember feeling so happy, so excited. It felt magical.

What I didn’t understand then, and what hit me a lot later, was that those gifts weren’t from Santa. They were from people in town who knew we didn’t have much that year. People who quietly showed up to make sure we still had a Christmas.

And I’ll be honest, when I figured that out as an adult, it hit hard. Because that’s when I realized… we were probably the poorest family in town.

Now, as a kid, you don’t think much about money. You just know what you have and what you don’t. But growing up with that kind of experience, it stuck with me. It planted this belief deep down that not having money meant something about me. That if I wasn’t doing well financially, I was somehow “less than.”

And for a long time, I carried that into adulthood.

If I wasn’t making enough money, I felt embarrassed. If someone asked how much I made or what I did for work, I’d tense up a little. Even when I started doing okay, there was still this fear in the back of my mind that it could all disappear, that I might end up back on that porch, being the family that needed someone else to show up for them.

That kind of shame can run deep. It shows up in the way you spend, the way you save, even in the way you talk about money. You might feel guilty for having it, or guilty for not having enough of it. And the truth is, neither one feels good.

It took me years to unlearn that. To realize that my worth has nothing to do with my income. That money isn’t good or bad. It’s just a tool. And when you know how to use it, it can give you options, peace, and the freedom to help others the way someone once helped my family.

That night, those mystery gifts on the doorstep, they taught me a lot more than I realized at the time. They taught me about kindness, about quiet generosity, and about what it feels like to be on the receiving end of grace.

Now, when I think about money, I think about that balance between giving and receiving, between being smart with what you have and being grateful for what you’ve been given.

And I think maybe that’s something we all need to remember. You can grow up poor, make mistakes, feel shame, and still learn how to create a healthy relationship with money.

We need to learn being broke isn’t permanent. But the lessons it teaches you about resilience, about gratitude, about empathy – those can change your life forever.

If you’d like some tips and tricks on dealing with holiday spending or personal finance all year round, follow me on any social media platform.

https://www.instagram.com/tulinc_coaching/

https://www.facebook.com/TuLincU/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/yvonneclark/

TikTok @tulinc_coaching

(YouTube channel coming soon)

And if you’d like to schedule a free call with me, go here– https://tulincu.com/

When Peace Feels Wrong and Stability Feels Boring

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Let’s talk about something uncomfortable.

Not credit scores.
Not retirement accounts.
Not budgeting.

Let’s talk about the part of you that might be addicted to chaos.

I know, I know! The word addicted feels dramatic all on its own. But hang with me.

You might not be chasing drama on purpose. You’re not starting fights or stirring up messes. But if you’re constantly dealing with emergencies, living paycheck to paycheck (even when you make decent money), or finding yourself stuck in the same stressful financial patterns, there might be something deeper going on.

And it’s not just about dollars. It’s about what your nervous system has learned to expect.

Trauma and Drama: The Financial Loop

If you grew up in a home where money was always tight, unpredictable, or used as a weapon, your body may have learned to live in crisis mode.

And now, as an adult, crisis feels… normal. Familiar. Even safe.

So when things are calm, when your bills are paid, when your savings account is growing, you may unconsciously self-sabotage.

You buy something you don’t need.
You stop checking your bank account.
You help someone out financially (again) even though you don’t actually have the margin.

And boom, chaos is back. Crisis mode returns. And your nervous system can breathe a twisted sigh of relief: Ahhh, yes, back where we belong.

That’s what addiction looks like. Not because you’re weak, but because your body is just trying to survive in the only way it knows how.

Financial Drama Is a Distraction

Here’s the hard truth: staying stuck in trauma and drama keeps you from having to do the slow, sometimes boring work of building a stable life.

Creating a budget, sticking to it, setting long-term goals, saying no when it’s easier to say yes, these things don’t always feel exciting. They don’t give you that adrenaline rush that a financial emergency does.

But they do give you peace. And purpose. And the kind of freedom that doesn’t come from a tax refund or a side hustle. It comes from consistency.

God Didn’t Design You to Live in Constant Survival

Let’s get spiritual for a second. Because this isn’t just psychological or financial, it’s also deeply spiritual.

God doesn’t call us to chaos.
He doesn’t say, “I came so they could barely scrape by.”
He says, “I came so they may have life, and have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10)

Abundance doesn’t mean designer bags or Instagram vacations. It means enough. It means peace in your decisions. It means margin. It means getting out of survival mode and into stewardship.

If your nervous system is addicted to drama, it’s going to fight you every time you try to rest, save, or say “no.”

But that’s not the voice of God. That’s the voice of your past trying to hold your future hostage.

How to Break the Cycle

Here’s where we start:

1. Tell the truth.
Admit when you’re creating chaos out of habit. Admit when calm feels scary. That’s not weakness, that’s wisdom.

2. Pause before reacting.
Before making a big purchase, saying yes to helping someone, or ignoring your bills, take a beat. Ask: “Am I solving a real problem, or am I chasing that drama high again?”

3. Create routines that feel safe.
Budgeting, tracking expenses, and planning your financial week, these aren’t chores. They’re anchors. They help your nervous system learn what safety feels like.

4. Invite God into your money.
Ask Him to break your patterns. To heal your heart. To help you see money as a tool, not a trap.

5. Get help.
You’re not meant to do this alone. Whether it’s a coach (hi, that’s me), a therapist, or a trusted accountability partner, bring people into your healing.

You need to understand, you are not lazy, and you’re not bad with money. You’re not broken.

You’re likely exhausted. And your brain has confused chaos with comfort.

But you can change that.
You can heal.
And you can build a financial life that doesn’t just look good, but actually feels good.

Drama doesn’t have to be your default. Peace can be your new normal.

The Untreated Truth

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You can’t fix a leaky faucet by pretending the kitchen floor is just naturally damp. And you can’t heal what you won’t name. That’s where most of us get stuck. We feel the anxiety, the frustration, the pit in our stomach that shows up at 2 AM, but we wave it off. “Oh, I’m fine. I’m just a little tired.”

Sure. And I’m an Olympic figure skater. In heels.

The truth is, naming what’s going on is terrifying because it makes it real. Saying, “I’m scared about this new marriage,” or “I feel lost after this divorce,” or “Starting my business has me completely overwhelmed,” feels like putting a neon sign over our head that flashes: I DON’T HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER.

But guess what? You don’t have it all together. None of us do. And the sooner you admit it, the sooner you can actually do something about it. Pretending everything is fine is like duct taping your check engine light and hoping for the best. Spoiler alert: that engine is still going to blow. Probably on the highway. Probably when you’re already late.

Life changes—whether you’re standing at the altar, staring at a positive pregnancy test, sitting across from a divorce attorney, or trying to figure out if LLC or S-corp makes you sound more impressive—will stir up every single unhealed, unnamed thing inside you. And money? Oh, money loves to poke those tender spots.

If you grew up thinking money was tight, or you watched your parents fight about it, or you felt like you never quite got it right yourself, guess what happens when you’re about to combine finances with a spouse, or figure out maternity leave, or split assets, or launch your dream business? All that old junk comes flying out like confetti from a busted balloon. And if you don’t name it, you’ll just keep reacting to it. You’ll pick fights over Target runs or blow up your budget because “you deserve it,” when really, you’re just trying to quiet that panicked little voice inside that you’re too scared to acknowledge.

When you name it—”I’m terrified I’ll mess up our finances like my parents did”—you take its power away. You can work with something you name. You can build a plan around it. You can create habits that make space for both your fear and your goals. You can even call in help—a coach, a therapist, a very honest best friend who doesn’t let you get away with your usual nonsense.

But you can’t fix what you’re pretending isn’t there.

So go ahead. Say it out loud. Whisper it if you have to. Write it down where no one sees it. Name the thing. The fear, the hurt, the story you keep dragging around. Because once you name it, you can finally start healing it. And believe me, that feels way better than pretending your kitchen floor is just… naturally damp.

Money & Relationships: How to Keep The Peace

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Money might not buy happiness, but it sure can buy tension if you’re not careful, especially when it mixes with your relationships. Whether it’s your ride-or-die best friend, a sibling who still “owes you from that one time,” or a business partner with Venmo amnesia, navigating money with people you care about is a tricky dance. But fear not! You can handle money and relationships without drama, broken trust, or awkward Thanksgiving dinners.

You just need a little awareness, a little planning, and a whole lot of honesty.

The Friendship Tab: “I Got You Next Time…”

Friendships can be a financial minefield if you’re not careful. One day you’re grabbing lattes or splitting an Airbnb, and the next thing you know, someone’s been “forgetting” to pay their share a few too many times. Over time, even the strongest friendships can start to feel a little off when one person is always footing the bill.

The key here is clarity. Talking about money with friends might feel awkward, but it doesn’t have to be. In fact, having open conversations about what things cost, what you’re comfortable spending, or whether you’re on a tight budget can actually strengthen your friendship. If you’re the one who’s always paying, it’s okay to speak up. And if you’re the one who’s fallen behind, just own it and offer a plan. A little transparency goes a long way.

Family Matters… and Money Does Too

Ah, family. The people who love us unconditionally, and sometimes also expect us to pay for dinner without saying a word. Whether it’s a cousin who needs to borrow money or a sibling who conveniently “forgets” about past loans, money and family is a sensitive combo.

But keep in mind: love and boundaries can coexist. If a family member asks to borrow money, it’s okay to ask yourself, “Can I give this as a gift instead of a loan?” If the answer is no, be honest about that and create a simple agreement that spells out when and how the money will be paid back. And if you need to say no altogether, that doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you responsible. You’re allowed to protect your financial well-being, even from people you care deeply about.

Love, Budgeting, and Other Romantic Adventures

Talking about money with your partner can be deeply uncomfortable, but it’s absolutely necessary. Financial tension is one of the top causes of stress in relationships, and ignoring it doesn’t make it go away.

Whether you’re newly dating or ten years into marriage, money should be a part of the conversation. How do you each feel about spending, saving, or debt? Do you prefer separate accounts, joint accounts, or a mix of both? These aren’t just financial decisions, they’re relationship decisions. When you work as a team toward shared goals, you build trust. And honestly, there’s something very attractive about building a future together with clear communication and mutual respect.

Money dates, by the way, are a real thing. Light some candles, grab a glass of wine, and look at your budget together. Financial intimacy is a vibe.

Business and Boundaries

Working with business partners, clients, or collaborators adds another layer to the money conversation. There’s potential for growth and success, but also plenty of room for miscommunication. Maybe your friend becomes your business partner, or someone hires you for a project and takes forever to pay. It happens.

To avoid issues, treat every professional relationship like, well, a professional relationship. That means writing things down. Contracts, payment terms, timelines, have everything in black and white. It keeps the expectations clear and protects the relationship, especially if things get bumpy. The most respectful thing you can do in business is communicate clearly, especially when money is involved.

Don’t Forget About You

Last but definitely not least, let’s talk about your relationship with yourself. Specifically, your future self. When you make smart money decisions today, you’re showing up for that version of you down the road who wants freedom, peace, and options.

That means saving when you can. Paying off debt when it makes sense. Investing in things that grow. It also means checking in with yourself regularly. Ask: “Am I spending in alignment with my values? Am I planning for the life I want?” You deserve to be the main character in your own financial story, not just reacting to things as they happen, but creating the life you want with intention.

The Bottom Line

Money doesn’t have to ruin relationships. In fact, when handled with care, it can actually strengthen them. It all comes down to honest communication, healthy boundaries, and being intentional with your choices. Whether you’re dealing with friends, family, romantic partners, or business associates, the same rule applies: talk about it. Be clear. Be kind. Be real.

Your bank account, and your relationships, will thank you.

Want to dive deeper into this topic? I’d love to hear your stories, questions, or thoughts—leave a comment or reach out. Let’s make money a tool for connection, not conflict.

The Beauty of Memories: The Heartbeat of Our Lives

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Isn’t it incredible how a single scent, sound, or snapshot can take you back in time? One whiff of sunscreen, and you’re on a sun-drenched beach from years ago, laughing with friends. A song plays, and suddenly, you’re dancing at your high school prom, feeling every bit as alive as you did then. That’s the beauty of memories—tiny time capsules packed with emotion, ready to transport us in an instant.

Memories aren’t just the highlight reel of our lives; they’re the stories that shape us. They remind us of where we’ve been, who we’ve loved, and how far we’ve come. And their true magic? They connect us, heal us, and inspire us to live fully.

Ever stumbled across an old photo and felt a warm flood of emotions? Maybe it’s that blurry snapshot from a family road trip where everything went hilariously wrong—or that selfie you took with someone you love on the best day of your life. Those moments are more than pictures; they’re pieces of who you are.

Memories are our emotional time machines. They bring joy, comfort, and sometimes, a touch of sadness. That’s okay—it’s all part of their beauty. They remind us we’ve lived, felt deeply, and have grown.

Not all memories are sunshine and rainbows, and that’s what makes them so valuable. The tough ones—the heartbreaks, mistakes, and setbacks—carry the biggest lessons. They can teach us about forgiveness, show us how far we’ve come, and remind us that we’re stronger than we thought.

And let’s not forget the triumphs! Those shining moments of success—your first big win, the time you nailed that impossible goal—are proof that you’re capable of amazing things. When you need a boost, these memories are your biggest cheerleaders.

There’s something magical about shared memories. Sitting around a dinner table, swapping stories with loved ones, laughing until your sides hurt, or texting late into the night remembering special moments from the past and smiling as you drift off to sleep—those are the moments that glue us together.

And it’s not just about the here and now. Shared memories create legacies. Think about the stories your grandparents told you. They’re not just anecdotes—they’re pieces of history that shaped your family. Every memory we share keeps those connections alive, even across generations.

Here’s the thing about memories: they’re not just something you look back on. They’re also something you’re creating every single day.

That spontaneous road trip? That’s a memory in the making. The time you stayed up way too late talking with a friend? Another one for the treasure chest. The beauty of life is that every moment holds potential to be a story you’ll want to revisit again and again.

So, say yes to the adventure. Be present in the quiet moments. Laugh, love, and soak it all in—because today’s little joys are tomorrow’s cherished memories.

In our demanding and often chaotic lives, it’s easy to let memories slip through our fingers. But preserving them doesn’t have to be complicated. Snap that photo. Write down how you felt after a big milestone. Share stories with the people you care about.

But most importantly, relive them. Close your eyes and remember the way your favorite day smelled, sounded, and felt. That’s how memories stay alive—not just in your mind, but in your heart.

Memories are life’s greatest treasures, not because they capture the past, but because they remind us of the beauty of living. They’re proof that we’ve loved, learned, and truly experienced this wild, wonderful ride of life.

So, as you keep moving forward, carry your memories with you. Let them be the spark that lights your way and the reason you dive headfirst into new adventures. After all, life isn’t just about the moments—it’s about the memories we create along the way.

What Will Your Story Be

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Often time when someone thinks about that they want to leave behind for loved ones when they pass away, they think in terms of money, property, or some sort of an inheritance.

But how often do we think about the legacy, the memory of our life, we leave behind? Our choices and passions shape how we are remembered. It’s the impact we have on the people we know and the world around us.

Our legacy is made up of our actions, values, and contributions that last beyond our lives. It’s more than money or things; it’s about the values we pass on, the kindness we show, and the difference we make. A legacy isn’t just what we own but what we give to others through our behavior and the example we set.

Each of us creates a personal legacy through our relationships and choices. For example, parents leave a legacy through the lessons and values they teach their children, like honesty and kindness. Teachers shape their legacy by inspiring and educating their students.

Even small acts of kindness can create a positive legacy. Helping a friend, being there for someone in need, or volunteering can all have lasting effects. These actions make the world a better place and become part of how people remember us.

In our jobs and careers, we also build a legacy. It’s not just about what we achieve but how we treat others and how we contribute to our workplace. Good leaders build trust and help their teams succeed, creating a legacy of strong, supportive organizations. Innovators and creators leave legacies through their new ideas and inventions that push society forward.

Every job offers a chance to leave a mark. Doctors and healthcare workers save lives and improve health, leaving a legacy of care and compassion. Artists and writers create works that inspire and provoke thought, adding to our cultural heritage.

To think about your legacy, start by looking inward. Consider your values, passions, and the impact of your actions. Ask yourself: What’s important to me? How do I want my family and friends to remember me? What changes do I want to see in the world, and how can I help make those changes happen?

Creating a legacy takes effort and intention. It means setting goals that match your values and working toward them consistently. It’s also about understanding that what we do today shapes how we’ll be remembered in the future.

In the end, our legacy is a reflection of how we live our lives. It’s shaped by our choices, our relationships, and our commitment to making a positive difference. Whether our impact is big or small, each of us has the power to leave a legacy that shows who we truly are. As we go through life, let’s aim to create a legacy of love, kindness, and positive impact, ensuring that our presence is felt long after we’re gone.

What Are You Willing To Sacrifice?

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In our quest of our dreams and goals, there’s a paradox we often confront: neglecting sacrifices may lead to our goals becoming the sacrifice. The saying, “If you don’t sacrifice for what you want, what you want becomes the sacrifice,” captures a deep truth about chasing our dreams.

At its heart, this idea suggests that without being ready to let go of certain comforts, habits, or smaller goals, the very thing we’re reaching for might slip away. It emphasizes the need to invest time, energy, and sometimes make tough decisions to secure what we truly desire.

Think about an aspiring artist who dreams of mastering their craft but hesitates to give up leisure time for dedicated practice. In this case, the leisure time itself becomes the sacrifice standing between the artist and their artistic mastery.

Similarly, in personal growth and career, avoiding stepping out of one’s comfort zone may turn the fear of discomfort into the obstacle blocking desired progress.

Relationships are not immune to this conundrum. Failing to invest time, patience, and compromise in a partnership might result in the relationship itself being sacrificed, leaving a longing for the bond that was neglected.

One of the most significant sacrifices in pursuing our desires is time. Time is limited, and every moment spent on a goal is a moment not spent elsewhere. Whether it’s time with loved ones, hobbies, or self-care, ambitious individuals often find themselves juggling to meet the demands of their aspirations.

It’s essential to realize that sacrifice doesn’t always mean giving up something inherently valuable. It often involves choosing between immediate gratification and long-term fulfillment. Sacrifice requires a conscious decision to forego immediate pleasures or comfort zones for something more meaningful or aligned with our deeper dreams.

Moreover, sacrifices aren’t always tangible; they can involve intangible aspects like pride, ego, or the fear of failure. Sometimes, letting go of these internal barriers is the sacrifice needed for success.

As our desires evolve, so do the sacrifices required. What we were willing to give up early on may differ from later stages. This evolution highlights the dynamic relationship between desire and sacrifice, requiring adaptability and resilience.

In the pursuit of our dreams, the concept that “if you don’t sacrifice for what you want, what you want becomes the sacrifice” is a poignant reminder of the intricate balance between desire and the compromises it demands. The unseen sacrifices, whether in the form of time, relationships, or personal comfort, shape the narrative of our lives. They are the stepping stones of our journey, and by embracing them, we uncover the depth and richness of our human experience. Ultimately, it is through these sacrifices that we not only attain our goals but also discover the true essence of what we value most in life.

If you are struggling to find balance, need motivation or even help in clarifying your goals, schedule a free discovery call with me at https://tulincu.com/.