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The Real Cost of the Way I Was Spending

/ Yvonne / Leave a comment

A few years ago, I had one of those quiet moments that sneaks up on you.

I was just sitting at my kitchen table with my coffee, scrolling through my bank account. And this thought crossed my mind:

How am I still here?

I had a professional job. A good one. The kind people assume means you must have your life together. I was making good money. I dressed the part, drove a fun car, and had a nice apartment. From the outside, it probably looked like things were going pretty well.

And if I’m being honest, part of me worked really hard to keep that image going.

The clothes had to look right. The car had to look right. Meeting friends for dinner, fun little shopping sprees, and picking up things here and there that made life look a little more polished. It all felt like part of the package of being a successful professional.

But sitting there at that table that morning, staring at my bank account, the truth was hard to ignore.

For someone who supposedly had it together, my money didn’t look like it.

Every month felt the same. My paycheck would come in and, before long, it felt like it had quietly slipped through my fingers. Nothing outrageous or reckless. Just spending here and there that added up faster than I ever expected.

And I kept telling myself the same thing.

Next month I’ll get serious.

Next month I’ll pay closer attention.
Next month I’ll start saving.
Next month I’ll get it together.

But next month kept coming and going.

As I sat there that morning, I started realizing something that made me a little uncomfortable.

A lot of what I was spending money on wasn’t even making me that happy.

It was maintaining a picture.

The picture of someone who was doing well. Someone who had the right things, the right lifestyle, the right look. And the strange part was that no one had really asked me to keep up that image. I had created it myself.

Meanwhile, the things I said I wanted: peace with my money, a sense of security, not feeling that little knot in my stomach when I looked at my bank account, those things were always getting pushed to “later.”

And the truth finally landed.

I had been saying I wanted financial freedom, but I wasn’t willing to give up the habits that were standing in the way of it.

Oh, I knew better. But I had gotten comfortable living a certain way.

The dinners out were easy.
The random shopping trips were fun.
Telling myself I needed to look a certain way felt important.

Sacrifice, on the other hand, sounded uncomfortable.

But sitting there that morning, I had to admit something to myself. The way I was living wasn’t really making me happy anyway.

It looked good from the outside. That’s about it.

And that’s when the question hit me.

What do I want more?

Do I want to keep maintaining this image, or do I want the peace I keep saying I want?

I had to face the fact that you can’t keep doing the same things with your money and expect your financial life to look different one day. Something has to change.

So I started making some adjustments. Nothing extreme.

I chose to cut back on the extras, and it wasn’t because I suddenly stopped liking nice things. It was because I realized I liked the idea of peace more. I wanted to stop living paycheck to paycheck. I wanted to stop the cycle of “I’ll start next month.” And that meant letting go of a few habits that were keeping me stuck right where I was.

At first it felt strange. Like I was stepping away from a version of myself I had been playing for a while.

But over time something unexpected happened.

The pressure lifted.

I stopped feeling like I had to keep up with some invisible standard. I started paying attention to my money in a way I hadn’t before. And for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was actually in control of it.

That’s when I realized something.

Sacrifice isn’t really about giving things up. It’s about deciding what actually matters to you.

For me, it turned out that peace mattered more than appearances.

And the version of me who eventually built a healthier financial life didn’t live the same way the old version did. She thought about her spending. She paused before saying yes to things that used to be automatic.

It wasn’t because I couldn’t afford them.

It was because I finally understood what they were costing me.

And once you feel the relief of not constantly worrying about money, something becomes very clear.

The real sacrifice wasn’t cutting back on things.

The real sacrifice would have been continuing to live a life that looked good on the outside but didn’t feel good on the inside.

I now drive a sensible car. I moved out of my apartment and could finally afford a house. My clothes are still cute but way more comfortable.

The sacrifice of getting here was temporary.  But the peace I have in my life will last beyond the material things I once tried to find it in.

What If This Is the Moment?

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There’s a question most people don’t ask themselves out loud:

How comfortable am I in my own misery?

It’s a hard question to answer because answering it honestly tells you how ready you are for change.

If you’re not sure what your answer is, you can figure it out in a simple way.
Ask yourself this. “How long am I willing to complain or worry about my situation before I decide something different is available to me?”

That is your answer.

I hear people say all the time that they are tired of being stressed about money. They are tired of living paycheck to paycheck. They are tired of feeling behind, tired of arguing about finances, tired of not knowing where their money is going.

And yet, months go by. Sometimes years. Their situation stays the same.

At some point, we have to be honest about what is really happening. The situation might be uncomfortable, but it has also become familiar. And familiar has a way of feeling easier than change.

There is a version of financial stress that people learn how to live with. They know the feeling of checking their account and hoping for the best. They know the tension when a bill comes in. They know the anxiety that is ever-present in everyday life.

It is not that they enjoy it. It is that they have gotten used to it.

Change asks more of you. It asks you to look at your numbers when you would rather avoid them. It asks you to make decisions you have been putting off. It asks you to have conversations that feel uncomfortable. It asks you to take responsibility in a way that can feel confronting.

So instead, many people stay in the cycle because it feels easier than stepping into something unknown.

There’s something we don’t want to admit, even to ourselves. Staying the same has a cost. Every month that passes without a clear plan, without new habits, without any real action, you are paying for that comfort. You may not see it all at once, but it shows up over time. It shows up in stress that never fully goes away. It shows up in missed opportunities. It shows up in the feeling that life could be different, but somehow never is.

There is a moment that changes everything, and it is not when you learn something new about money. Most people already know enough to do better. The change happens when you decide you are no longer willing to stay where you are.

Not because someone told you to change. Not because you feel guilty. But because you are done having the same conversation with yourself over and over again.

That decision is where real financial change begins.

From there, it becomes less about motivation and more about honesty. Looking at what is actually happening with your money. Making choices that reflect what you say you want. Following through even when it feels inconvenient.

Most people get stuck, not from a lack of information, but in the gap between knowing and doing.

This is where financial coaching matters. Not as someone who tells you what you already know, but as someone who helps you see what you have been avoiding that you might not even realize. Someone who helps you put structure around your goals and stay consistent when old patterns try to pull you back.

You know you can stay in the same place for a long time if you are willing to tolerate it.

The real question is how long you plan to.

At some point, you have to decide if you are more comfortable staying in the problem or stepping into the discomfort that comes with changing it.

One keeps you where you are.
The other moves your life forward.

You Can Afford It. But What Is It Costing You?

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Captured in the dawn, the tree was enlightened by the rising sun. This moment was caught nearby Lake Chiemsee, Bavaria

What if the “dream” you’ve been chasing is the very thing making you tired?

Not physically tired. Soul tired.

The kind of tired where your calendar is full, your car payment is impressive, and your bank account still makes you a little excited when you open the app.

We were handed a script somewhere along the way. Work hard. Earn more. Upgrade often. Bigger house. Nicer car. Better vacations. Rinse and repeat. And if your neighbor adds a patio, apparently that means you need one too.

Keeping up with the Joneses has turned into an Olympic sport, and most of us are competing in events we didn’t realize we signed up for.

Here’s the honest question. Is it actually making you happy?

I’ve sat with enough people in financial transition to tell you this. The stress rarely comes from not having enough stuff. It comes from having too many obligations. Too many payments. Too many things that looked good on the outside but little by little stole peace on the inside.

Some of you don’t need a raise. You need relief.

Living more simply doesn’t mean selling everything and moving into a tiny cabin in the woods (unless you really want to). It means asking a braver question. What do I actually value?

Do you value margin in your bank account or matching patio furniture? Do you value unhurried dinners at home or the image of being “busy and important”? Do you value freedom or financing?

Jesus talked a lot about this, which I find interesting. In Matthew 6:21 He says, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Not where your intentions are. Not where your Pinterest board is. Where your treasure is.

If your treasure is tied up in appearances, your heart is going to feel stretched thin trying to maintain them and empty trying to convince yourself they have purpose.

I’ve watched clients breathe differently when they decide to simplify. When they downsize the house that felt impressive to friends but heavy to own. When they trade the luxury SUV for something reliable and easier to pay off. When they stop saying yes to every trip, every event, every upgrade, just to prove they can.

At first, it feels like you’re “losing.” Your pride might whine a little. You might worry about what people will think.

Then something surprising happens.

You sleep better.

You check your bank account without that spike of adrenaline.

You start making decisions from intention instead of insecurity.

Living more simply financially can look like fewer monthly payments. A smaller mortgage. A car you actually own. A budget that reflects your real priorities instead of your social media feed. It can look like choosing experiences that matter over optics that impress.

It can also look like finally admitting that the dream you were chasing wasn’t even yours.

Sometimes the “dream life” is just a well-marketed version of someone else’s vision.

Peace, though? That’s personal.

I think about the years in my own life where I was rebuilding. Working multiple jobs. Counting every dollar. I didn’t have the dream house (not even A house) or the polished image. What I did have was clarity. I knew what mattered. My kids. Stability. Faith. A future that didn’t feel like it was balancing on a credit card statement.

Strangely, those were some of the most grounded years of my life. It’s funny how now that I “have it all” I yearn for parts of those days and am actively working to simplify my life again.

There’s a verse in 1 Timothy 6:6 that says, “Godliness with contentment is great gain.” Not Godliness with a side of granite countertops. Just contentment.

Contentment isn’t complacency. It’s confidence. It’s knowing you don’t need to perform financially for anyone else. It’s trusting that provision doesn’t have to come wrapped in comparison. I’m not saying you should give up your job and live like a pauper. What I’m saying is maybe it’s time to reevaluate your lifestyle and what you’ve made important.

If you finally got what you wanted and it still feels like something is missing it could be that you built around expectations instead of convictions.

Living more simply could mean fewer things and more margin. Fewer payments and more generosity. Fewer comparison spirals and more gratitude. It could mean your money finally supporting your life instead of your life constantly trying to support your money.

And that changes everything.

Maybe the goal isn’t to impress the Joneses.

Maybe the goal is to sit at your own table, in your own home, with people you love, and feeling peaceful.

That sounds like a dream worth chasing.

What Are You Hiding (About Your Money)?

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Can I ask you something a little uncomfortable?

What are you hiding about your finances?

Not the “we’re fine” version. Not the “inflation is crazy” deflection. I mean the real thing. The thing you don’t say out loud. The thing you quickly change the subject from.

Are you embarrassed of the debt you’ve brought on yourself? Not just that you have it, but that you know exactly how you got it?
Do you swipe and then quietly hope nobody notices?
Do you move money around between accounts just to make it all look… fine?

Are you secretly dreaming of a life where you’re not living paycheck to paycheck—but you’d never admit that to anyone because you make decent money, because other people have it worse, and someone might say, “Well, you should’ve made better choices”?

I want you to sit with that for a minute.

Because a lot of people are walking around looking financially “normal” on the outside while carrying a whole lot of private stress on the inside.

Here’s what I’ve learned, both in my own life and walking with clients through theirs:

It’s not just the debt that weighs on people.
It’s the secrecy.

You go to dinner with friends and split the bill evenly, even though you ordered the cheapest thing on the menu.
You say yes to the trip because you don’t want to be the only one who can’t afford it.
You nod along in conversations about investing and retirement, hoping no one asks you a direct question about how yours is doing.

And then you go home and feel that tightness in your chest.

You tell yourself you should know better by now. You’re smart. You’re capable. You’ve read the books. You’ve listened to the podcasts. You’ve watched the reels. So why does your real life still feel like you’re one unexpected expense away from panic?

Let’s talk about the mental health side for a minute.

There’s a deep shame that comes with money. Especially when the debt feels self-inflicted. Especially when the spending was emotional. Especially when you know the Amazon boxes weren’t about “needing” anything at all.

And then Sunday morning rolls around, and you’re sitting in church, singing about trust… while low-key avoiding your finances.

You love God.
You believe He provides.
But you also know you ordered those shoes.

Both things can be true.

There’s this hidden guilt people carry that says, “If I were more disciplined… more faithful… more mature… I wouldn’t be here.”

That’s not conviction. That’s condemnation. And those are not the same thing.

Conviction nudges you toward change.
Condemnation just keeps you hiding. And hiding is exhausting.

And now you’re stuck with the bill and the story you tell yourself about what that means.

Maybe you’ve even started hiding purchases from your spouse. Or downplaying the balance. Or telling yourself it’s “not that bad” while avoiding the actual number.

Or maybe your secret isn’t debt.

Maybe your secret is that you make good money… and still feel behind.

Maybe your secret is that you’re tired of pretending you’re fine.
Tired of acting grateful for a job that drains you.
Tired of saying “we’re doing okay” when you haven’t felt steady in years.

Or maybe your secret is bigger.

Maybe you want a different life.
A slower one.
A lighter one.
One where you’re not constantly calculating and recalculating and hoping the math works.

But you don’t say that out loud because people might think you’re foolish. Or unrealistic. Or irresponsible for wanting more peace.

So you keep it to yourself.

Here’s what I’ve learned, from my own messy money seasons and from walking with so many of you through yours:

The secret is heavier than the debt.

The pretending is more exhausting than the budgeting.

And the silence? That’s what keeps people stuck.

There is something powerful that happens the moment you tell the truth. Even if it’s just to yourself. Even if it’s whispered.

“I don’t like how this feels.”
“I’m scared.”
“I want something different.”
“I don’t know how to fix this.”

That doesn’t make you foolish. It makes you honest.

And honesty is where change begins.

Money struggles don’t mean you’re bad with money. They often mean you were coping. Surviving. Trying. Learning without a roadmap. Making decisions with the tools you had at the time.

But you don’t have to keep carrying the secret alone.

So let me ask you again, gently this time—

What are you hiding about your finances?

And what would happen if you stopped hiding?

What would it feel like to bring it into the light? To look at it clearly. To stop judging yourself long enough to actually build something better?
You don’t need to have it all figured out.
You just need a moment of courage.

Because the life you quietly dream about, the one where you feel steady, clear, and in control, isn’t reserved for “other people.”

It starts the day you decide the secret doesn’t get to run the show anymore.

The Most Frustrating Part of Fixing Your Finances (That No One Talks About)

/ Yvonne / Leave a comment

There’s a stage of financial growth that doesn’t get celebrated, posted, or talked about much.

It’s the season where you’re trying. Really trying. You’re more aware, more careful, more intentional… but the results feel small and slow. You keep showing up, yet the big changes still seem just out of reach.

That’s the season where patience starts to wear thin.

It’s the waiting.

Not the soothing, inspirational poster with rocks perfectly balanced in a stack next to a flowing river, talking about patience, kind of waiting. I’m talking about the kind where you check your bank app again even though you already know what it says. The kind where you’ve been “doing better” for months and your life still doesn’t look like a money makeover show.

Working on your finances asks for a level of patience that feels almost rude.

You start out motivated. New budget. Fresh goals. Maybe even a color-coded spreadsheet that makes you feel like the CEO of your own life. You’re ready. You’re focused. You’re finally dealing with the stuff you used to avoid.

Then reality strolls in like, “Oh, you wanted progress? That’ll be delivered in small, unimpressive installments over a long period of time.”

Rude.

The hard part is that financial change doesn’t usually come with fireworks. It comes with tiny decisions that feel boring and repetitive. Packing lunch. Logging into your account. Saying “not this time” to something you really want. Moving a little money to savings and trying not to laugh at how small the number looks.

You’re doing the right things, but your feelings are over there tapping their foot like, “Are we rich yet or what?”

This is where patience starts to feel less like a virtue and more like a test of character.

There’s a scripture that comes to mind in Galatians 6:9 about not getting tired of doing good, because in the right season you’ll reap a harvest if you don’t give up. That sounds lovely stitched on a pillow. In real life, it feels more like, “Lord, I am doing the good. I would now like the harvest. Preferably by Friday.”

But money growth follows seasons, not moods. And seasons don’t rush because we’re uncomfortable.

One of the sneakiest things that makes patience harder is comparison. You’re over here, proud that you didn’t overdraft this month, and someone else is posting closing photos in front of a new house with a giant bow on the door. You’re celebrating a paid-off credit card, and somebody else is on a beach talking about “soft life.”

It can make your steady progress feel small, even when it’s taking real effort and courage. You don’t see their backstory, their help, their debt, their stress, or their timing. You just see the highlight reel while you’re in the middle of your training montage.

And let’s be honest, the middle is not glamorous.

The middle is where you’re tired of thinking about money but still have to. It’s where an unexpected car repair shows up like an uninvited guest and eats the money you just saved. It’s where you wonder how you can be trying this hard and still feel like you’re only inching forward.

That’s usually when the old thoughts creep in. “I should have figured this out sooner.” “Why does this feel so hard?” “I’m never going to get where I want to be.”

That spiral can make you want to quit, not because you don’t care, but because you care so much and you’re worn out. Patience feels impossible when you’re emotionally tired.

This is where grace and grit have to team up.

Grace says you’re allowed to be learning. Grit says you’re still getting up tomorrow and making the next wise decision anyway. Even if that decision is small. Even if it’s just paying one bill on time, skipping one impulse buy, or looking at what you owe with honesty instead of pushing the thought away.

Small faithfulness doesn’t feel impressive, but it builds a life that feels steady.

Another verse that fits here is from Proverbs 21:5 about how steady plodding brings prosperity. Plodding is not a glamorous word. Nobody ever says, “I’m just out here plodding my way to financial peace!” But that’s exactly what it often looks like. Slow steps. Repeated choices. Not dramatic. But very effective.

And somewhere in the middle of all that plodding, something starts to change.

You notice you pause before spending. You feel a little less panic when a bill hits. You actually know what’s in your account. You recover from setbacks a bit faster than you used to. Your numbers may not be where you want them yet, but your relationship with money is changing. That’s huge.

Patience with money isn’t about pretending the wait is easy. It’s about deciding the future you’re building is worth the slow, sometimes frustrating process of getting there.

So if you’re in the thick of it, doing the unglamorous work, wishing progress would hurry up already, remind yourself that you’re in the part that builds strength, wisdom, and staying power.

And one day, you’ll look at your life and realize the season that felt the longest was the one that laid the strongest foundation.

Also, when that day comes, you have full permission to look at your bank account, smile, and say, “See? I told you we were getting somewhere.”

What Affordability Really Means After Divorce

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There’s a moment after divorce or a major life reset when things finally settle down and everything gets quiet.

The paperwork is signed.
The adrenaline fades.
And you’re standing in your kitchen at 9:30 p.m., eating cereal for dinner, wondering how this became your life.

That’s usually when the question shows up:

Can I buy a home or keep the one I’m in on my own?

Not to prove anything.
Not to “win” the divorce.
Not to impress anyone who doesn’t pay your bills.

Just to build something steady again.

If that’s where you are, let me say this gently: buying a home after divorce is different. Not impossible. Just different. And God’s not surprised you’re here.

I know this season well. I’ve lived it. And I’ve watched God meet people right in the middle of it, sometimes with provision, sometimes with redirection, and occasionally with a sense of humor that feels almost rude at first.

Buying on one income changes everything.

There’s no “we’ll figure it out later.”
No second paycheck as a safety net in the background.
No shared “oops” fund when the water heater decides to retire early.

It can feel scary… and oddly freeing.

You stop asking:
“What can we qualify for?”

And start asking:
“What can I afford and still sleep at night?”

That question is wisdom.

After divorce, many people go one of two ways:

They either tell themselves,
“I guess I don’t get to want much anymore.”

Or they swing hard in the other direction, like,
“I’ve been through enough. I deserve this house.”

Both reactions make sense. Neither one makes great financial decisions.

Budgeting on one income isn’t God telling you to live small forever. It’s Him inviting you into stability.

It’s knowing:

  • What your income supports without constant stress
  • How much margin you need to feel safe
  • What makes your nervous system calm, not clenched

Here’s where people get tripped up.

They focus on:
“Can I make the payment?”

But forget:

  • Repairs don’t care that you’re newly single
  • Utility bills don’t accept emotional coupons
  • Maintenance doesn’t show mercy just because you’re tired

Owning a home should not require prayer every time the fridge makes a noise.

Your home should support your life, not consume it.

God is a provider. But, He’s not asking you to ignore math.

Emotional buying is very real after divorce

Let’s be honest.

After loss, people shop with feelings.

They buy the house that quietly says:
“I’m okay.”
“I made it.”
“I didn’t lose everything.”

Or the house that whispers:
“I shouldn’t want much.”
“I’ll stay small.”
“I don’t trust good things anymore.”

Neither extreme is sinful. Both are human. But finding stable middle ground is best.

Your house doesn’t need to heal your heart. God does that work. Your house just needs to be a safe place to land.

One of the most freeing thoughts rebuilding buyers can have is this:

“My home doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to work.”

Work for your income.
Work for your peace.
Work for the life God is rebuilding, not the one you’re grieving.

Sometimes that means:

  • Less square footage
  • A longer timeline
  • A simpler layout
  • A different plan than the one you had before

And sometimes it means letting yourself want something nice again without guilt. God is not offended by your desire for beauty or comfort.

Why I Specialize in This Season

I work with divorced, newly single, and rebuilding homebuyers because I understand the layers.

The financial reset.
The emotional exhaustion.
The quiet prayers that sound like, “Please don’t let me mess this up.”

Buying a home after divorce isn’t just a transaction. It’s a moment of direction.

And when done thoughtfully, with wisdom, numbers, prayer, and a little grace for yourself, it can be one of the most stabilizing decisions you make.

Not because it fixes everything.
But because it gives you a place to breathe while God continues to rebuild the rest.

And yes, you might still eat cereal for dinner sometimes.

That’s okay too.

The Hidden Lesson Behind Those Gifts on the Porch

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I remember being a little kid, maybe five or six, coming home one cold winter night with my sister and parents to our tiny house heated by a coal burning stove. It was around Christmas, and we’d been gone all day. When we got back, there were gifts sitting on the back doorstep, one for every single person in the family.

And in my little kid brain, I thought, Wow, Santa really outdid himself this year! I remember feeling so happy, so excited. It felt magical.

What I didn’t understand then, and what hit me a lot later, was that those gifts weren’t from Santa. They were from people in town who knew we didn’t have much that year. People who quietly showed up to make sure we still had a Christmas.

And I’ll be honest, when I figured that out as an adult, it hit hard. Because that’s when I realized… we were probably the poorest family in town.

Now, as a kid, you don’t think much about money. You just know what you have and what you don’t. But growing up with that kind of experience, it stuck with me. It planted this belief deep down that not having money meant something about me. That if I wasn’t doing well financially, I was somehow “less than.”

And for a long time, I carried that into adulthood.

If I wasn’t making enough money, I felt embarrassed. If someone asked how much I made or what I did for work, I’d tense up a little. Even when I started doing okay, there was still this fear in the back of my mind that it could all disappear, that I might end up back on that porch, being the family that needed someone else to show up for them.

That kind of shame can run deep. It shows up in the way you spend, the way you save, even in the way you talk about money. You might feel guilty for having it, or guilty for not having enough of it. And the truth is, neither one feels good.

It took me years to unlearn that. To realize that my worth has nothing to do with my income. That money isn’t good or bad. It’s just a tool. And when you know how to use it, it can give you options, peace, and the freedom to help others the way someone once helped my family.

That night, those mystery gifts on the doorstep, they taught me a lot more than I realized at the time. They taught me about kindness, about quiet generosity, and about what it feels like to be on the receiving end of grace.

Now, when I think about money, I think about that balance between giving and receiving, between being smart with what you have and being grateful for what you’ve been given.

And I think maybe that’s something we all need to remember. You can grow up poor, make mistakes, feel shame, and still learn how to create a healthy relationship with money.

We need to learn being broke isn’t permanent. But the lessons it teaches you about resilience, about gratitude, about empathy – those can change your life forever.

If you’d like some tips and tricks on dealing with holiday spending or personal finance all year round, follow me on any social media platform.

https://www.instagram.com/tulinc_coaching/

https://www.facebook.com/TuLincU/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/yvonneclark/

TikTok @tulinc_coaching

(YouTube channel coming soon)

And if you’d like to schedule a free call with me, go here– https://tulincu.com/

When Peace Feels Wrong and Stability Feels Boring

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Let’s talk about something uncomfortable.

Not credit scores.
Not retirement accounts.
Not budgeting.

Let’s talk about the part of you that might be addicted to chaos.

I know, I know! The word addicted feels dramatic all on its own. But hang with me.

You might not be chasing drama on purpose. You’re not starting fights or stirring up messes. But if you’re constantly dealing with emergencies, living paycheck to paycheck (even when you make decent money), or finding yourself stuck in the same stressful financial patterns, there might be something deeper going on.

And it’s not just about dollars. It’s about what your nervous system has learned to expect.

Trauma and Drama: The Financial Loop

If you grew up in a home where money was always tight, unpredictable, or used as a weapon, your body may have learned to live in crisis mode.

And now, as an adult, crisis feels… normal. Familiar. Even safe.

So when things are calm, when your bills are paid, when your savings account is growing, you may unconsciously self-sabotage.

You buy something you don’t need.
You stop checking your bank account.
You help someone out financially (again) even though you don’t actually have the margin.

And boom, chaos is back. Crisis mode returns. And your nervous system can breathe a twisted sigh of relief: Ahhh, yes, back where we belong.

That’s what addiction looks like. Not because you’re weak, but because your body is just trying to survive in the only way it knows how.

Financial Drama Is a Distraction

Here’s the hard truth: staying stuck in trauma and drama keeps you from having to do the slow, sometimes boring work of building a stable life.

Creating a budget, sticking to it, setting long-term goals, saying no when it’s easier to say yes, these things don’t always feel exciting. They don’t give you that adrenaline rush that a financial emergency does.

But they do give you peace. And purpose. And the kind of freedom that doesn’t come from a tax refund or a side hustle. It comes from consistency.

God Didn’t Design You to Live in Constant Survival

Let’s get spiritual for a second. Because this isn’t just psychological or financial, it’s also deeply spiritual.

God doesn’t call us to chaos.
He doesn’t say, “I came so they could barely scrape by.”
He says, “I came so they may have life, and have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10)

Abundance doesn’t mean designer bags or Instagram vacations. It means enough. It means peace in your decisions. It means margin. It means getting out of survival mode and into stewardship.

If your nervous system is addicted to drama, it’s going to fight you every time you try to rest, save, or say “no.”

But that’s not the voice of God. That’s the voice of your past trying to hold your future hostage.

How to Break the Cycle

Here’s where we start:

1. Tell the truth.
Admit when you’re creating chaos out of habit. Admit when calm feels scary. That’s not weakness, that’s wisdom.

2. Pause before reacting.
Before making a big purchase, saying yes to helping someone, or ignoring your bills, take a beat. Ask: “Am I solving a real problem, or am I chasing that drama high again?”

3. Create routines that feel safe.
Budgeting, tracking expenses, and planning your financial week, these aren’t chores. They’re anchors. They help your nervous system learn what safety feels like.

4. Invite God into your money.
Ask Him to break your patterns. To heal your heart. To help you see money as a tool, not a trap.

5. Get help.
You’re not meant to do this alone. Whether it’s a coach (hi, that’s me), a therapist, or a trusted accountability partner, bring people into your healing.

You need to understand, you are not lazy, and you’re not bad with money. You’re not broken.

You’re likely exhausted. And your brain has confused chaos with comfort.

But you can change that.
You can heal.
And you can build a financial life that doesn’t just look good, but actually feels good.

Drama doesn’t have to be your default. Peace can be your new normal.

The Untreated Truth

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You can’t fix a leaky faucet by pretending the kitchen floor is just naturally damp. And you can’t heal what you won’t name. That’s where most of us get stuck. We feel the anxiety, the frustration, the pit in our stomach that shows up at 2 AM, but we wave it off. “Oh, I’m fine. I’m just a little tired.”

Sure. And I’m an Olympic figure skater. In heels.

The truth is, naming what’s going on is terrifying because it makes it real. Saying, “I’m scared about this new marriage,” or “I feel lost after this divorce,” or “Starting my business has me completely overwhelmed,” feels like putting a neon sign over our head that flashes: I DON’T HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER.

But guess what? You don’t have it all together. None of us do. And the sooner you admit it, the sooner you can actually do something about it. Pretending everything is fine is like duct taping your check engine light and hoping for the best. Spoiler alert: that engine is still going to blow. Probably on the highway. Probably when you’re already late.

Life changes—whether you’re standing at the altar, staring at a positive pregnancy test, sitting across from a divorce attorney, or trying to figure out if LLC or S-corp makes you sound more impressive—will stir up every single unhealed, unnamed thing inside you. And money? Oh, money loves to poke those tender spots.

If you grew up thinking money was tight, or you watched your parents fight about it, or you felt like you never quite got it right yourself, guess what happens when you’re about to combine finances with a spouse, or figure out maternity leave, or split assets, or launch your dream business? All that old junk comes flying out like confetti from a busted balloon. And if you don’t name it, you’ll just keep reacting to it. You’ll pick fights over Target runs or blow up your budget because “you deserve it,” when really, you’re just trying to quiet that panicked little voice inside that you’re too scared to acknowledge.

When you name it—”I’m terrified I’ll mess up our finances like my parents did”—you take its power away. You can work with something you name. You can build a plan around it. You can create habits that make space for both your fear and your goals. You can even call in help—a coach, a therapist, a very honest best friend who doesn’t let you get away with your usual nonsense.

But you can’t fix what you’re pretending isn’t there.

So go ahead. Say it out loud. Whisper it if you have to. Write it down where no one sees it. Name the thing. The fear, the hurt, the story you keep dragging around. Because once you name it, you can finally start healing it. And believe me, that feels way better than pretending your kitchen floor is just… naturally damp.

Money & Relationships: How to Keep The Peace

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Money might not buy happiness, but it sure can buy tension if you’re not careful, especially when it mixes with your relationships. Whether it’s your ride-or-die best friend, a sibling who still “owes you from that one time,” or a business partner with Venmo amnesia, navigating money with people you care about is a tricky dance. But fear not! You can handle money and relationships without drama, broken trust, or awkward Thanksgiving dinners.

You just need a little awareness, a little planning, and a whole lot of honesty.

The Friendship Tab: “I Got You Next Time…”

Friendships can be a financial minefield if you’re not careful. One day you’re grabbing lattes or splitting an Airbnb, and the next thing you know, someone’s been “forgetting” to pay their share a few too many times. Over time, even the strongest friendships can start to feel a little off when one person is always footing the bill.

The key here is clarity. Talking about money with friends might feel awkward, but it doesn’t have to be. In fact, having open conversations about what things cost, what you’re comfortable spending, or whether you’re on a tight budget can actually strengthen your friendship. If you’re the one who’s always paying, it’s okay to speak up. And if you’re the one who’s fallen behind, just own it and offer a plan. A little transparency goes a long way.

Family Matters… and Money Does Too

Ah, family. The people who love us unconditionally, and sometimes also expect us to pay for dinner without saying a word. Whether it’s a cousin who needs to borrow money or a sibling who conveniently “forgets” about past loans, money and family is a sensitive combo.

But keep in mind: love and boundaries can coexist. If a family member asks to borrow money, it’s okay to ask yourself, “Can I give this as a gift instead of a loan?” If the answer is no, be honest about that and create a simple agreement that spells out when and how the money will be paid back. And if you need to say no altogether, that doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you responsible. You’re allowed to protect your financial well-being, even from people you care deeply about.

Love, Budgeting, and Other Romantic Adventures

Talking about money with your partner can be deeply uncomfortable, but it’s absolutely necessary. Financial tension is one of the top causes of stress in relationships, and ignoring it doesn’t make it go away.

Whether you’re newly dating or ten years into marriage, money should be a part of the conversation. How do you each feel about spending, saving, or debt? Do you prefer separate accounts, joint accounts, or a mix of both? These aren’t just financial decisions, they’re relationship decisions. When you work as a team toward shared goals, you build trust. And honestly, there’s something very attractive about building a future together with clear communication and mutual respect.

Money dates, by the way, are a real thing. Light some candles, grab a glass of wine, and look at your budget together. Financial intimacy is a vibe.

Business and Boundaries

Working with business partners, clients, or collaborators adds another layer to the money conversation. There’s potential for growth and success, but also plenty of room for miscommunication. Maybe your friend becomes your business partner, or someone hires you for a project and takes forever to pay. It happens.

To avoid issues, treat every professional relationship like, well, a professional relationship. That means writing things down. Contracts, payment terms, timelines, have everything in black and white. It keeps the expectations clear and protects the relationship, especially if things get bumpy. The most respectful thing you can do in business is communicate clearly, especially when money is involved.

Don’t Forget About You

Last but definitely not least, let’s talk about your relationship with yourself. Specifically, your future self. When you make smart money decisions today, you’re showing up for that version of you down the road who wants freedom, peace, and options.

That means saving when you can. Paying off debt when it makes sense. Investing in things that grow. It also means checking in with yourself regularly. Ask: “Am I spending in alignment with my values? Am I planning for the life I want?” You deserve to be the main character in your own financial story, not just reacting to things as they happen, but creating the life you want with intention.

The Bottom Line

Money doesn’t have to ruin relationships. In fact, when handled with care, it can actually strengthen them. It all comes down to honest communication, healthy boundaries, and being intentional with your choices. Whether you’re dealing with friends, family, romantic partners, or business associates, the same rule applies: talk about it. Be clear. Be kind. Be real.

Your bank account, and your relationships, will thank you.

Want to dive deeper into this topic? I’d love to hear your stories, questions, or thoughts—leave a comment or reach out. Let’s make money a tool for connection, not conflict.