divorce

Show Me Your Bank Account, and I’ll Show You Your Priorities

/ Yvonne / Leave a comment

We all have a list in our heads.

Family. Faith. Freedom. Health. Peace. Security. Growth. Legacy.

If I asked you what matters most to you, you wouldn’t hesitate. You’d answer with confidence from the heart. And I would believe you.

But if you slid your bank statement across the table…
I’d learn something else too.

Not because you’re lying.

But because money keeps a record of what we actually choose.

Your bank account isn’t trying to teach you a lesson.
It simply tells the truth.

And sometimes, that truth is uncomfortable.

The Gap Between Values and Behavior

Most people don’t struggle with values.
They struggle with alignment.

We say we value:

  • Financial peace, but live paycheck to paycheck..
  • Family time, but buy convenience instead.
  • Freedom, yet finance everything.
  • Health, but ignore our own care.
  • Growth, but we rarely invest in learning or getting help.

Again, this isn’t about shame.
It’s about awareness.

Because money follows behavior.
And behavior follows habits.
And habits often operate without permission from our values.

Your bank account is a mirror.

It reflects what felt urgent.
What felt comforting.
What felt necessary in the moment.

And what felt easier than sitting with discomfort.

Spending Is Emotional, Not Logical

We like to pretend we are rational with money.

We are not.

We spend when we are tired.
We spend when we are bored.
We spend when we are stressed.
We spend when we are trying to feel something.

Sometimes we spend to celebrate.
Sometimes we spend to numb.
Sometimes we spend to belong.
Sometimes we spend to escape.

Your bank statement doesn’t just show transactions.
It shows emotional patterns.

It shows where you run for relief.
It shows what makes you feel safe.
It shows what you use to cope.

And once you see that, you can’t unsee it.

The Story Money Is Telling About You

Imagine your bank account could talk.

It might say:

“I value convenience more than rest.”
“I value comfort more than margin.”
“I value appearances more than peace.”
“I value quick relief more than long-term stability.”
“I value survival over strategy.”

Or it might say:

“I value preparation.”
“I value choice.”
“I value future me.”
“I value flexibility.”
“I value alignment.”

Neither story makes you a good or bad person.

But one story gives you options.
The other quietly removes them.

Priorities Aren’t What You Claim — They’re What You Fund

If something truly matters to you, it shows up in one of three places:

  1. Your calendar
  2. Your energy
  3. Your money

When all three agree, life feels grounded.

When they don’t, life feels heavy.

You can say you want financial freedom, but if every dollar is assigned to comfort, distraction, and reaction, freedom stays theoretical.

You can say you want peace, but if your spending creates pressure, peace stays distant.

You can say you want growth, but if nothing is invested in learning, growth becomes wishful thinking.

This isn’t about cutting joy.

It’s about deciding what kind of joy you want later.

Why This Feels Personal

Money touches everything:

  • How you sleep
  • How you argue
  • How you dream
  • How you choose
  • How you feel about yourself

That’s why conversations about money often feel like conversations about worth, security, control, and identity.

You aren’t just managing numbers.

You are managing your relationship with safety.

So when I say, “Show me your bank account,” what I’m really saying is:

Show me what you protect.
Show me what you fear.
Show me what you trust.
Show me what you avoid.
Show me what you believe about yourself.

The Quiet Power of Alignment

Alignment doesn’t require perfection.

It requires honesty.

Alignment is when your money begins to reflect who you are becoming, not just who you have been.

It’s when you pause before spending and ask,
“Does this support the life I say I want?”

It’s when you stop treating future-you like a stranger.

It’s when your values stop living only in words and start living in the numbers.

Alignment is peaceful.

Even when the numbers are small.

Even when progress is slow.

Because direction matters more than speed.

The Hardest Truth

If your bank account doesn’t match your values, it doesn’t mean you lack discipline.

It often means you lack clarity.

Most people were never taught how to connect values to spending.

They were taught how to earn.
They were taught how to swipe.
They were taught how to survive.

They were rarely taught how to choose.

You Don’t Need a New Budget. You Need a New Conversation.

Not a spreadsheet conversation.

A values conversation.

A “what kind of life do I actually want to fund” conversation.

A “what am I willing to delay for something better” conversation.

A “what am I tired of pretending doesn’t matter” conversation.

Because once your values are clear, the numbers become easier.

Not easy.

But clearer.

A Gentle Challenge

Pull up your last 30 days of spending.

Don’t judge it.
Don’t explain it.
Don’t justify it.

Just observe it.

Then ask:

What does this say I care about?
What does this say I avoid?
What does this say I protect?
What does this say I prioritize?

You may discover that your money isn’t betraying you.

It’s just telling you where you’ve been living on autopilot.

And autopilot can be changed.

This Is Where Real Financial Peace Starts

Not with restriction.

Not with guilt.

Not with comparison.

But with awareness.

When you see your money clearly, you gain choice.

And choice is where peace begins.

Final Thought

Your bank account is not your enemy.

It is your most honest feedback partner.

It shows you where your life is currently funded.

And it quietly invites you to decide if that still fits who you are becoming.

Reflection Question:
If your bank account had to explain your priorities to someone who’s never met you, would you feel proud of the story it tells or want to rewrite it?

If you’re ready to rewrite it, start with one small, honest shift. One choice that supports the life you actually want to live. And let that be enough for today.

If you’d like help making your money match the life you actually want, I’d love to support you. You can schedule a conversation with me when you’re ready.

You can even do a one time jump start session to get you going in the right direction dhttps://meetings.tulincu.com/public/693db1c6538dba003187eb5d

What Affordability Really Means After Divorce

/ Yvonne / Leave a comment

There’s a moment after divorce or a major life reset when things finally settle down and everything gets quiet.

The paperwork is signed.
The adrenaline fades.
And you’re standing in your kitchen at 9:30 p.m., eating cereal for dinner, wondering how this became your life.

That’s usually when the question shows up:

Can I buy a home or keep the one I’m in on my own?

Not to prove anything.
Not to “win” the divorce.
Not to impress anyone who doesn’t pay your bills.

Just to build something steady again.

If that’s where you are, let me say this gently: buying a home after divorce is different. Not impossible. Just different. And God’s not surprised you’re here.

I know this season well. I’ve lived it. And I’ve watched God meet people right in the middle of it, sometimes with provision, sometimes with redirection, and occasionally with a sense of humor that feels almost rude at first.

Buying on one income changes everything.

There’s no “we’ll figure it out later.”
No second paycheck as a safety net in the background.
No shared “oops” fund when the water heater decides to retire early.

It can feel scary… and oddly freeing.

You stop asking:
“What can we qualify for?”

And start asking:
“What can I afford and still sleep at night?”

That question is wisdom.

After divorce, many people go one of two ways:

They either tell themselves,
“I guess I don’t get to want much anymore.”

Or they swing hard in the other direction, like,
“I’ve been through enough. I deserve this house.”

Both reactions make sense. Neither one makes great financial decisions.

Budgeting on one income isn’t God telling you to live small forever. It’s Him inviting you into stability.

It’s knowing:

  • What your income supports without constant stress
  • How much margin you need to feel safe
  • What makes your nervous system calm, not clenched

Here’s where people get tripped up.

They focus on:
“Can I make the payment?”

But forget:

  • Repairs don’t care that you’re newly single
  • Utility bills don’t accept emotional coupons
  • Maintenance doesn’t show mercy just because you’re tired

Owning a home should not require prayer every time the fridge makes a noise.

Your home should support your life, not consume it.

God is a provider. But, He’s not asking you to ignore math.

Emotional buying is very real after divorce

Let’s be honest.

After loss, people shop with feelings.

They buy the house that quietly says:
“I’m okay.”
“I made it.”
“I didn’t lose everything.”

Or the house that whispers:
“I shouldn’t want much.”
“I’ll stay small.”
“I don’t trust good things anymore.”

Neither extreme is sinful. Both are human. But finding stable middle ground is best.

Your house doesn’t need to heal your heart. God does that work. Your house just needs to be a safe place to land.

One of the most freeing thoughts rebuilding buyers can have is this:

“My home doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to work.”

Work for your income.
Work for your peace.
Work for the life God is rebuilding, not the one you’re grieving.

Sometimes that means:

  • Less square footage
  • A longer timeline
  • A simpler layout
  • A different plan than the one you had before

And sometimes it means letting yourself want something nice again without guilt. God is not offended by your desire for beauty or comfort.

Why I Specialize in This Season

I work with divorced, newly single, and rebuilding homebuyers because I understand the layers.

The financial reset.
The emotional exhaustion.
The quiet prayers that sound like, “Please don’t let me mess this up.”

Buying a home after divorce isn’t just a transaction. It’s a moment of direction.

And when done thoughtfully, with wisdom, numbers, prayer, and a little grace for yourself, it can be one of the most stabilizing decisions you make.

Not because it fixes everything.
But because it gives you a place to breathe while God continues to rebuild the rest.

And yes, you might still eat cereal for dinner sometimes.

That’s okay too.

The Addiction No One Talks About

/ Yvonne / Leave a comment

I saw this quote recently, and I swear it leapt off the screen and side-eyed me:
“If you don’t think you’re addicted to something, try fasting from it.”

Well… that felt a little personal.

Because my first thought was, Oh, I could give up anything if I had to.
And then I imagined going a week without coffee, Amazon, or that little thrill I get when I see “Your order has shipped.”
Suddenly, I realized, yeah, maybe I am a little addicted.

Financial Fasting Hits Different

Now, before you think I’m suggesting a wilderness fast with no water and locusts, calm down. I’m talking about a financial fast; no unnecessary spending for a set time.

No takeout. No “just one quick Target run.” No late-night scrolling on Etsy, convincing yourself you need another candle that smells like “Peaceful Rainforest Serenity.”

If you want to know what’s got a grip on you, try saying no to it for seven days.
The first day, you’ll feel strong. Day two, you’ll justify everything. By day three, you’ll be eyeing your debit card like it’s the last donut in the box.

The moment you tell yourself no, you start to see what’s really driving the yes. But that’s where the learning happens.

What God Showed Me

When I went through my divorce, I didn’t just lose a marriage; I lost my sense of safety. And without realizing it, I tried to buy that feeling back. New clothes, dinners out, little treats “to cheer myself up.”

And I remember God nudging me one day: “You’re trying to fill an emotional hole with financial band-aids.”

Ouch again.

Because He was right. What I really needed was peace. Not another Amazon box on my porch.

Money wasn’t my problem. My need for comfort was.
And only God could really meet that need.

The Real Addiction

It’s not always the spending we’re hooked on.
It’s the feeling it gives us. The comfort, control, or distraction.
And when those feelings fade, we’re right back where we started, wallet lighter and heart still hungry.

That’s why fasting, financial or otherwise, can be such a powerful reset. It’s not about deprivation. It’s about revelation.

When we stop feeding the habit, we start hearing from God in the quiet.
And He has this funny way of showing us what we’ve been running from… and what we actually need.

Let’s Dig a Little Deeper

Here’s where the life coach in me steps in:
If you find yourself overspending, ask what need you’re really trying to meet.

Are you buying to feel seen?
To escape stress?
To reward yourself because no one else is clapping for your effort?
Or maybe, you’re trying to create a sense of control in a life that feels unpredictable.

When you can name the feeling behind the behavior, you start to break the pattern.
And when you bring that awareness to God, He can actually heal the part of you that’s reaching for something temporary to soothe something deeper.

Try It

Pick one thing to fast from financially. It might be DoorDash, Amazon, Starbucks, or online browsing when you’re bored.

Every time the urge hits, stop and ask:

  • What am I feeling right now?
  • What am I hoping this purchase will fix?
  • Is there another way I can meet that need, spiritually, emotionally, or practically?

Then invite God into that space.
Pray. Take a walk. Journal. Call a friend.
You’ll start to see what’s been running your money (and maybe your peace) without your permission.

Sometimes the problem isn’t that we don’t have enough money.
It’s that we’re spending to fill a void only God and a little self-honesty can heal.

And when you fast from what controls you, you finally make room for what frees you.

And hey, if you make it all seven days without an Amazon relapse, reward yourself with… well, prayer. Or maybe a walk. But not another candle, okay? (And no—adding just one thing to your Amazon cart “for later” doesn’t count as fasting. Nice try.)