I used to pray, I mean literally pray that my mind would slow down and stop being so busy because it used to be almost overwhelming. But after everything that I’ve gone through in the past 18 months my brain has almost completely shut down.

I find myself almost numb to life, and that is so unlike me.

I have even been struggling to find things to write about here, and this used to be my biggest passion.

At times I have wanted to give up and forget about it, but then I think about my why. Why do I do this blog? Why did I start it?

Because I wanted to help. Someone. Anyone.

If by me telling my story or doing what I can to uplift someone and it makes even a little difference in their life, I have to keep on.

Maybe someone will be able to relate to something I say, and they will not feel so alone.

But it gets hard trying to let myself be vulnerable. I can share all the feel-good passages I come across, and it may brighten someone’s day a little, but what I really hope for is to let someone know that they are not alone.

You are not alone when you put the kids to bed at night, get undressed, and take your aching body to the bathroom so you can cry in the shower because life is kicking your butt and you have to publically hold it together and not let anyone see you being “weak”.

You are not alone when you can’t find your way, and you have no idea where your next paycheck is coming from, and you have to swallow your pride and ask for help.

You are not alone when life’s rug is pulled out from under you when the love of your life tells you they love someone new and you have to watch them move one with their life.

You are not alone when you stand in the middle of the kitchen and scream to God and ask Him why your friend silently took their life without dropping a clue to anyone.

So, I’m going to work harder at this thing. I’m going to stop avoiding what God has placed in my heart and the path set before me, and I will try to remember this; “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” Theodore Roosevelt