Good evening! What’s good friends? I figured I’d share a few of my thoughts and observations with you tonight.
I’ve noticed in the early mornings when I take Nordy for a walk around the grounds the smell from the blooms on the trees is something short of fine perfume.
The birds are just waking and starting to sing. The sun is just warming the earth and the dew is still settled on the grass.
In the evenings I can sit on my balcony and look at the sunset over the hill country and the colors and shadows rival those of famous paintings.
I live in a beautiful place.
I’ve heard several people here say they feel like they are living in a resort. It does kind of feel that way. It’s lovely to be honest.
My apartment is charming, new and modern yet with a cottage comfort and honestly, it’s more than I could hope for. The weather, although a bit hot right now, is divine, especially in the mornings.
I can wear sundresses every day. Flip flops are a way of life! The pools are busy every day. Rarely is there a day that the sun doesn’t shine. To the outside observer you would think I live in paradise. And yet something is missing.
Earlier this week I was putting stuff away, finishing going through boxes, and it sparked nostalgia. Along with the new things, places and life I’m experiencing it caused a little heart pang.
It’s really difficult when you want to share something with someone and they are no longer there. You experience or see something and your immediate reaction is to call or text them and suddenly realize you can’t.
I may never understand why people make the decision they do. Whether to leave the earth or leave your life. I just know that I have to deal with those decisions the best I can.
It’s hard to find out that sometimes you truly never know a person or what’s going on in their mind.
It’s wore on me. It’s changed me.
I was living a life I didn’t recognize and saw no way out. It got to the point that I was so restless in my soul that I thought I would physically burst. I have no other way to explain it. I was full up of what was not me.
In talking to others and finding out for myself there’s one thing that is certain, you can’t outwork, outrun, outsmart, outdrink, grief and heartache.
Then one day I woke up and all the dreams I had were gone. I saw no future in the life I had. I was beyond empty. I wasn’t suicidal. I was hollow.
So, I took charge of my life and took a chance. I sold what would sell and gathered any money I could and packed my life into boxes and walked away from everything I knew.
So many people that I have talked to can’t believe what I did. Some call me brave. Some have dubbed me strong. But I know what the truth is. I had had enough. I know what it is to feel desperate. I had a good job, loving friends, a comfortable home and I walked away from all of it.
My soul was longing for something else. Peace.
I prayed so long …over a year for an answer. And I finally had to just take my chance to make it better for me.
It’s been such a short time since I’ve done that but I have few regrets. I’m not saying it’s easy. Not even close. After my divorce, this was probably the hardest and scariest thing I’ve done.
Now I’m back in self-improvement and in study mode. Like tonight, sitting with the French doors open hoping to catch a small breeze on a rare non-blistering Texas evening, fan blowing to assist and cut down on the AC bill, radio playing, and books…ok, well, laptop…open.
The reason I gave my old life up was to gain the one I really wanted. To follow my dreams. To make them a reality. And it’s going to take more work, more sacrifice. I am living proof that it’s never too late. Don’t stop trying. Keep reaching for your stars. Like the saying goes, “You are never too old to set another goal and dream a new dream”. I know that’s easy for me to say. I’ve always been a bit of a dreamer and always will be. But what kind of world would it be without my type?…..