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Take Two!

Take Two!

 

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The Pursuit Of Happiness

Hello friends!!

I know it’s been a while but I’ve been busy working, even on some weekends, and studying, so in my downtime, I’ve just been trying to recover my brain.

You know I’ve been burned out when two of us, both mortgage professionals (good with numbers and contracts and things like that) go shopping and can not seem to wrap our minds around what something would cost with 40% off. Yeah, I’ve been that overdone.

I’m still dedicated to working on me and my healing and growth and finding God’s purpose for me here. So, I apologize for the long spans of time between posts.

But in saying that, as much as I hope you always check back and read what I have to say, I also hope you take my absences as inspiration for you to also decompress and know that it’s ok and good to step away from the chaos of the world and work on you!

We all know how important it is to take care of yourself. To eat right and exercise in order to stay healthy.

But it wasn’t until very recently that I fully embraced the concept of the mental dynamic of health. I knew you were supposed to do that but didn’t have a clue as to how.

I’ve always just pushed through life, getting things done. Do things that were expected of me. Always being responsible to and for everyone but myself.

I have to work to make money to have shelter and food and basically survive. But I realized when I had quiet moments and slowed down a little I knew I wasn’t happy.

I rarely, if ever, did anything for me or my own happiness. Yes, I ate healthily and work out but that only took care of my body. All the while my mind and heart were, well, for lack of a better term, dying of malnutrition.

So that’s why I decided to make the move 2000 miles away and take the chance that I did. Only to find myself slip right back into the exact same life pattern I was living.

So I am now working every day to be conscious of the life I’m living. I am pursuing more of the things that make me happy which right now is educating my mind. I love to learn to so I’m feeding myself knowledge.

I am taking time to really think about and find out what makes ME happy without the influence of others.

I am learning to say no to things I don’t want in my life, and I’m going after the things that matter to me even if others think I’m crazy.

I don’t know where it will all end. I don’t know if this is my forever home but I do know that I have made the choice to live a life that won’t be full of “I wish I would have” or “If only I tried”.

My ultimate dream would be to have a job where I could pack Nordy up and road trip across the county experiencing everything along the way and sharing it with you so if anyone knows of any jobs like that, let me know! LOL!

Keep following your dreams friends. Love yourself, be kind to others, and find happiness in the good things.

Time Keeps On Slipping……

Hi friends!

I’m sorry that once again it’s been a while since I was able to post. I’ve been fighting being too busy, rushing through life and doing what I think HAS to be done and negating what fulfills me, like writing on here, working out, cooking healthy meals.

We all know how easy that is to do. But before I knew it a lot of time had once again passed me by.

I’m trying so hard to break the habits I had before I moved here since one of the reasons I moved here was to have a fuller life.

I promised myself to continue to step out of my comfort zone and LIVE yet I easily fell into my old routine of work, work, more work and studying.

I think it’s important to work hard and continue to improve yourself but in that process I was forgetting to actually live.

I noticed more and more that I was jealous of a friend who had lost their job. That sounds crazy I know but it was a wake-up call to me that I’m going in the wrong direction.

I had briefly lost my drive, my passion, and focus. But I’m clearing out the clutter and getting back on track.

I was reminded of my dad who worked so hard all of his life. He provided a wonderful life for our family but ended up very ill before he could truly enjoy his retirement.

I know that my mom and us kids would be happy to have less stuff and more time with him. Money isn’t as important as we make it out to be. More money can always be made but you can’t make more time.

My only advice is to remember what’s important because it can all be gone before you know it.

Regrets are hard to live with.

Remember to always be kind because you never know what even the brightest smile is hiding.

Take care friends…I’ll be back soon!

 

 

The Truth Behind You

Hi Friends! I hope you have all been able to enjoy a nice weekend.

I’ve been blessed to be able to enjoy a long weekend here which has given me a lot of time to think about things. And for someone like me, that’s not always a good thing. But this time it was.

It allowed me a little extra time to focus on Nordys Garage since for the last few months all of my time has been spent working and studying and little else.

With the passing of the Queen of Soul (RIP Aretha), it made me think more about my friend that recently passed.

Have you ever been to a memorial service for someone? They are being eulogized and all of these wonderful things are being said about them and it brings a smile to everyone’s face?

So many of the beautiful things they have done and who they were are being reminisced.

But you’re sitting there thinking about the person YOU knew. And although the things being mentioned at their memorial service might be true, most of them are being stretched…maybe more than a little.

My challenge to you and to myself is to live your life right now according to how you want to be remembered so you can honestly be the person that is being eulogized and not have someone sitting there on that day thinking, mmm hmm…I knew the REAL them.

Live a life so that when someone speaks ill of you, others won’t even entertain the idea of what they are saying.

But even more importantly, be the christian that God wants you to be. Because no matter how man sees us act on this earth, our Heavenly Father knows the truth.

He is the one who sees our heart and all the actions we try to hide.

He knows what we do behind closed doors when no one else is watching.

He knows the thoughts we have, the lies we tell, how we mislead others to get our way or get ahead, the videos we watch and the music we listen to.

And you have to know that living a life of honor isn’t just about some eternal reward we will get someday in the future or the legacy you will one day leave.

Being a good man or a good woman now will allow you to have a better life while you’re here. No, it won’t keep every bad thing from happening to you but it will keep a lot of it at bay.

You can’t erase the past but you can learn from it so start today by making amends, forgiving, taking care of your mind and body and start living your best life.

And always, always remember to be kind. It really all does start with you.

Change All Around

I wonder what it’s going to feel like to not see snow again.

Snowflakes have been a part of me for most of my life. They are even tattooed on my body.

I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I am no longer where I was.

I know I have struggled since moving here. Not with getting a job or finding a place to live because all of that basically fell into my lap. God easily provided.

I’ve struggled with fighting my own wants over finding my true purpose for being here. I find myself looking for the easy way.

I haven’t yet adjusted to my life here which is a weird thing for me. I generally look for new places and adventures. But there’s something different about it this time.

One thing I need to remember is the God never fails. He made sure I made it here.

I also need to remember to be thankful for that even when things aren’t going my way or how I think they should be going.

I’ve got to stop only praising Him when things are good and I’m getting what I want. That’s acting like a very spoiled child.

No, if I’m going to trust him like I say I do I need to praise him when things are confusing or hard and know that He is strengthening me.

I am here for change and opportunity. I’ve had to remind myself more than once that I am capable. I moved 1700 miles away, alone, with no job, no home and a very unsure future.

So, I need to keep this in mind when I’m afraid and tell myself, “not everything that is faced can be changed but nothing can be changed until it’s faced. “James Baldwin.

Change is uncomfortable and can be downright scary. But sometimes it’s necessary.

Keep up the good fight friends. Kindness….spread it!

So Here I am

Good evening! What’s good friends? I figured I’d share a few of my thoughts and observations with you tonight.

I’ve noticed in the early mornings when I take Nordy for a walk around the grounds the smell from the blooms on the trees is something short of fine perfume.

It’s peaceful.

The birds are just waking and starting to sing. The sun is just warming the earth and the dew is still settled on the grass.

In the evenings I can sit on my balcony and look at the sunset over the hill country and the colors and shadows rival those of famous paintings.

I live in a beautiful place.

I’ve heard several people here say they feel like they are living in a resort. It does kind of feel that way. It’s lovely to be honest.

My apartment is charming, new and modern yet with a cottage comfort and honestly, it’s more than I could hope for. The weather, although a bit hot right now, is divine, especially in the mornings.

I can wear sundresses every day. Flip flops are a way of life! The pools are busy every day. Rarely is there a day that the sun doesn’t shine. To the outside observer you would think I live in paradise. And yet something is missing.

Earlier this week I was putting stuff away, finishing going through boxes, and it sparked nostalgia. Along with the new things, places and life I’m experiencing it caused a little heart pang.

It’s really difficult when you want to share something with someone and they are no longer there. You experience or see something and your immediate reaction is to call or text them and suddenly realize you can’t.

I may never understand why people make the decision they do. Whether to leave the earth or leave your life. I just know that I have to deal with those decisions the best I can.

It’s hard to find out that sometimes you truly never know a person or what’s going on in their mind.

It’s wore on me. It’s changed me.

I was living a life I didn’t recognize and saw no way out. It got to the point that I was so restless in my soul that I thought I would physically burst. I have no other way to explain it. I was full up of what was not me.

In talking to others and finding out for myself there’s one thing that is certain, you can’t outwork, outrun, outsmart, outdrink, grief and heartache.

Then one day I woke up and all the dreams I had were gone. I saw no future in the life I had. I was beyond empty. I wasn’t suicidal. I was hollow.

So, I took charge of my life and took a chance. I sold what would sell and gathered any money I could and packed my life into boxes and walked away from everything I knew.

So many people that I have talked to can’t believe what I did. Some call me brave. Some have dubbed me strong. But I know what the truth is. I had had enough. I know what it is to feel desperate. I had a good job, loving friends, a comfortable home and I walked away from all of it.

My soul was longing for something else. Peace.

I prayed so long …over a year for an answer. And I finally had to just take my chance to make it better for me.

It’s been such a short time since I’ve done that but I have few regrets.  I’m not saying it’s easy. Not even close. After my divorce, this was probably the hardest and scariest thing I’ve done.

Now I’m back in self-improvement and in study mode. Like tonight, sitting with the French doors open hoping to catch a small breeze on a rare non-blistering Texas evening, fan blowing to assist and cut down on the AC bill, radio playing, and books…ok, well, laptop…open.

The reason I gave my old life up was to gain the one I really wanted. To follow my dreams. To make them a reality. And it’s going to take more work, more sacrifice. I am living proof that it’s never too late. Don’t stop trying. Keep reaching for your stars. Like the saying goes, “You are never too old to set another goal and dream a new dream”. I know that’s easy for me to say. I’ve always been a bit of a dreamer and always will be. But what kind of world would it be without my type?…..

The Chances We Don’t Take

Good morning, friends!

I apologize for so much time between posts but I’m doing my best to deal with the things life has tossed at me. I can tell you that the grieving process is rather unpredictable.

If you’re a reader or know me personally you know my routine…. sitting in the hammock chair on the balcony is how most of my thoughts begin.

So, I made a simple post on Instagram. I shared a meme. It was something that struck a chord in me so I thought I’d share. It was a simple meme. I’m not even responsible for penning it.  But I shared it. And the response has been incredible. It lead to what I will write.

I want to be brave and say a million things. Tattletale everything in my heart and on my mind. But I’m afraid of the consequence. But then people started to message me….

I can’t tell you how many people I know and certainly don’t know, that suffer from life. Yeah. From life. We live strong, love fully and get broken, hard.

And we settle.

For what’s left.

And we breathe to survive.

And we eat. Not tasting.

And we work. To pay bills.

And we go from day to day not remembering anything or making any memories.

And time passes.

Wasted.

And we look back. At what was.

And we wish for more.

And dream forward.

At what could have been,

If only…

And we sit.

And time ticks.

And we.stop.living…..

And yet wake each day just to do it again.

That was my life. My existence. The crumbs I accepted.

Friends, why do we do that? Why do we think that if we just make it through today, to next week, to the weekend, the new job, the new whatever! that things will be better?

I’m telling you, they won’t! We have to take charge of our own lives and make the changes within ourselves to create the lives we want.

I did it. And I’m just realizing what taking a chance will do.

My story is ever evolving and I have so much more to tell.

But for now, please friends, don’t give up your dreams. Don’t believe that what is is all that will ever be. Things can and will get better if you take the chance to make the changes.

Continue to be kind, continue to dream. Don’t give up on yourself or the life you are meant to live!

I will try to be back soon…..I’m still working on me.

Marching On

Hello friends! I mentioned an update in my last post so I need to get to it!

I’m sorry to have neglected you for so long but a lot has happened and I have needed time to absorb and deal with it all.

I am often talking about living your life and following your path and I finally did just that!

I knew it was time to make a change and I prayed a lot about it and as doors were closing where I was, I trusted God and followed the doors He opened.

Since being here things have gone fairly smoothly. And when they haven’t, I haven’t gotten worked up about it. I’ve dealt with it and learned.

As I said in a previous FB video, unfortunately, along the way I lost two people that meant more to me than I can express. I’m angry, sad, hurt and about a thousand other emotions I can’t put into words. One I lost to…I don’t even know how to say it other than extenuating circumstances. The other to what they are saying is suicide. I can’t believe either one happened. I always thought they would be part of my life always. People who I would continue to share my life with forever. But I guess they had other plans. When someone leaves your life, especially suddenly and unexpectedly as both of these did, it leaves an emptiness that you can’t explain and most likely will never fill. So here I am, just after midnight into July 4th. What an appropriate day to do my best to break free and find independence from it all.

I will probably never know the whole story with either person. But one thing has been solidified to me…always, always tell people how you feel. I know we all hear it all the time, and I know I say it all the time, but we hear it all the time because it’s true!

I go to the FB page of my friend who died just to see his face and relive memories. I re-read our texts, and messages and look at pictures and linger on the last things we said to one another. I always told him how I felt so I don’t have that regret but a month later I see people still writing on his page saying “I don’t think I ever told you”. I don’t ever want to be one of those people.

There are times that it has drained me. I’ve emptied myself more than once without being refilled. It’s left me exhausted physically and emotionally but I have an innate drive to make the world better. To uplift people. It doesn’t make me better or worse than anyone. It’s just my purpose in life. It always has been and I’ve always known it. It just manifests itself in different ways.

So as I start this new chapter in my life I’m excited to share it all with you. I’m trying to come to grips with everything that has happened and embrace what is to come. I hope you all stick around and come along for the ride because I’m on a new road!

I’m too tired for the details as to how I got to where I am but I promise to fill in the blanks soon.

Just remember this, friends….You only get one shot at life so make it count. Make it last. Make it worth every heartbreak, every smile, every tear, every memory.
This is your life, your destiny, your fate…this is your only chance.

 

Change

What’s good friends!!??

I apologize for neglecting you but I have quite the update coming soon!! Until then I want to share a small, heartfelt poem I penned a little while back.

You know it’s coming….Be kind, friends! Let’s make the world better, together!

 

Change

Sun turns to rain

Smiles to tears

I haven’t felt you

In what feels like years

 

Laughter to lies

Memories burned

Unsure of the next step

Or where it all turned

 

There will be no answers

Questions remain

Best to let go now

Try to lessen the pain

 

Move forward, onward

Stumble, don’t fall

I gave it my best

I gave it my all

 

So much unsaid

Never to be heard

Bury it deep

Lessons unlearned

 

Time never stops

It keeps moving on

Wishing to right

Those things gone wrong

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